Genesis 1:16

And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

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Now I know I've talked about this already, but it really bugs Me. How do Christians read this and not say "Wait a minute .. this don't make sense? This is something man would write back in the day when they didn't know any better!"

- God made 2 great lights - WRONG

- the lesser light to rule the night - WRONG

- he made the stars also - AS IF THE STARS ARE ANY DIFFERENT THAN THE GREATER LIGHT! They are all suns !!!!!!! How could God be so stupid? Oh yeah, it wasn't God .. it was man who just didn't know any better. Silly Me.

-And people would say "It was written by man, not inspired by God, so of course they are going to make some mistakes" To which I would reply, "Then what the hell are we doing looking for the divine answers in it for????????"

ConfusLes

ConfusLes think it odd that He reads the bible more as an agnostic, than He did when He was a Christian.

Corporate Greed

As part of My observation of people, I decided to interview a few 'shift managers' at work about their career choices. Of course they just seen it as passing conversation, but in reality I was taking mental notes the whole time.

So here's a few things that a typical manager has to put up with now working for 'the man'.

- If they work 40 hours, they get paid 40 hours. (sounds good)

- If they work MORE than 40 hours, they only get paid 40 hours. (Typical salary job, not too smart in My opinion)

*** But here's where it takes a strange twist

- If they work LESS than 40 hours, they only get paid for those hours! (WHAT????)

So if you work 60 hours, you get paid 40, but if you work 20 hours, you only get paid 20??? Who the hell would agree to this kind of work? The answer ... just about anyone!!! And I would ask, "Are you fucking kidding Me??" This is insane!!! Why the hell would anyone agree to this bullshit??

But there's more -

- They just had a meeting and testing out of town. They had to drive a car 4 hours, spend 3 hours at a meeting, then 4 hours back again. And the kicker .... NO PAY!!!!!!!! They just donated 11 hours of their life to "The System" for free!!!!!!! And after a full day of driving and meetings, some had to be to work in another 4 hours!! Holy shit! Is there anything you won't say NO to?? Seriously people .. why the hell do you do this to yourself?? For the money? It can't be the money because I know how much you make, and it ain't worth it!!!

I want to feel sorry for these people, but I can't. It's not like they have a gun to their heads forcing them to do the things they do. They just can't let go of the brand new car (and payments), and the credit cards, and the status symbols for their egos. It's really sad, because it doesn't have to be like this. There is a better way, but as always ... they would rather have sympathy than have a better life.

I'm convinced that climbing the corporate ladder for 'the man' is one colossal mistake, but with this new evidence at just how low an employer will go to screw you over .. well lets just say it has become an 'Iron Clad Law' etched in stone for Me.

I actually thought we had abolished slavery some time ago, but it looks like it's still going strong today in corporate America. The only difference is, today the slaves are volunteers.

Flagellum

The flagellum. Probably one of the coolest micro organisms that we know about.

What is a flagellum? It's this little self propelled micro bacterium that's present in protein chains and stuff. Who cares what it is. It's how this little thing works that's absolutely amazing.

This little thing has got over 40 moving parts. It's like a little tiny rotary engine spinning at over 100,000 RPM's. And it can stop and reverse in a split second. Try that with a man made motor. This tiny little thing has a rotor, a stator, rods, bearings, and bushings .... oh yeah, and you can fit a million of them on the width of a human hair.

Ahhhhh hell, I can't even begin to describe these cool little things. Go check them out for yourselves .. it well worth it. It just blows Me away that you can go on an endless journey forever out into the universe and never find the end, but then turn around and head into the world of micro organisms, and it's a seemingly endless void of questions heading that way too. And here we are ... somewhere in the middle of one endless ocean of it all, wondering what the hell are we doing here?

Now GO ... SERIOUSLY!!! Go Google 'Flagellum' dammit!

Ants

The other day I wrote the ants make up 1/5 of the world weight in land animals. Now that's just incredible to Me.

Think about this for a minute. An ant weighs about .004 of a gram. That's four one hundredths of a gram. That's about 26 ants to equal a paper clip. It would take over 100,000 ants to equal a pound. Now imagine that. On one side of a scale you have a pound of butter, and to equal it out on the other side you'd have 100,000 ants! And how many ants to equal an average human? Ohhh around 20 million ants!!!!

They estimate that there is about 10 quadrillion ants in the world today. That's 10,000,000,000,000,000, or 10 with 15 zeros after it. They also estimate that if you weighed all the humans in the world VS all the ants, it would be about a draw. WOW. Pretty impressive since 1 human equals 20 million ants!

So who the hell says humans are the dominant species on earth? Maybe it's ants that have it all figured out. OR .. maybe ants need to start wearing little ant condoms since they make the human population explosion look like NOTHING! What if all the ants were secretly in charge of mother earth? Hiding in their little underground bunkers controlling all that goes on! Dammit I need some weed!

And here's some cool info. Many ants are blind! They can't even see what the fuck they're doing! They find their way by smell and chemicals. Each ant colony has a specific chemical 'odor' (for lack of a better word). They use these smells to tell who's part of their colony, and who is the enemy. Scientist have actually taken a little chunk of wood and doused it in enemy chemicals and put in a jar with ants, and the ants attack it!

Still not impressed? How about the fact that ants can lift up to 50 times their own weight! That's the equivalent of the average human lifting over 9000 lbs!! When's the last time you seen a human walking around with three passenger cars on his back? Or how about the fact that ants fall off your backyard deck onto the concrete patio and just keep going! Again I ask you, when's the last time a human jump off a skyscraper and dusted himself off and kept right on walking? Or that some ants can jump 20 times their body length. How about the fact that an ants trap-jaw can slam shut at around 60mph delivering a force of 300 times their body weight!

I could keep going and going, but a 10 page blog on ants probably doesn't hold much interest .. unless your Me. So I'll end it there. Now I not only wonder what the hell are we doing here on this planet, but what the hell are all the ants doing too!

Facebook Analogy Part 7

More stupid posting. More intelligent replies. Enjoy!

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Can't believe my boy is 18 today!!!

Well I'm guessing yesterday He was 17 years, 364 days old. What exactly did you expect to happen today OTHER than the fact that he'd turn 18. *WARNING* - this phenomenon will happen again in exactly one more year .. be prepared.

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Awww you all are awesome! Thank you for all the wonderful birthday wishes:) I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends

Seriously? Facebook alerts people to when somebody's birthday is, and that somehow translates in your brain that you should be thankful you have such wonderful friends??? This is like programming your coffee maker to make coffee at 5:30AM so when you wake up there is a nice, hot pot of java ready for you ...... and then being so thankful that your coffee maker is such a wonderful thing to actually remember you each and every morning. A coffee maker with feelings and emotions!!!!! How can that be?????

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Joy and Sadness, all in the same day.

*WARNING* - Attention alert! The ONLY reason this person posted this is because of the lame attempt to get people to ask what's wrong. Go swallow some DranO!

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A bit tired..think it's almost bed time


Yup ... those two things tend to go hand in hand oddly enough.

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my son is on the phone with a girl who called him...isn't he too young for all this?

Well now .. it could be worse! At least he's actually TALKING to another human being, unlike some idiotic parents who spend their day TYPING to a bunch of fake cyber friends on Facebook. All in all, I'd say without your parental supervision, he MIGHT have a chance of leading a productive, healthy life!!

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Is teaching her little boy to tie his shoes.

YOU MUST BE SOOOOOOOO PROUD!!! Statistically speaking .. only 1 in 25,310 parents actually teach their kids to tie their own shoes! It's NO WONDER you took the time to type it out on Facebook for the rest of the world to 'OOOH and AAAH' over!

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I went to WalMart, children in tow, at 5:30 today. I need my head examined. Thankfully, -------- gave me something to smile about. On the way in, she was telling me about the "glow-in-the-dark" fish they have. She said, "They glow because God put lights in them...you know, how He said, 'Let there be light'? And they lit up!" :)

Yeah .. it's cute when they're 5 years old, but it's damn scary when they still believe bullshit stories when they become adults because the parents were too stupid to teach them the truth eventually. Which explains why you felt the urge to go to Walmart and type about it on Facebook in the first place. It also explains why when MY children say we should pray about something, I tell them "Every time you pray to Jesus, God kills a baby puppy."

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Just wondering if anyone else has days were-----MMMM I WONDER WHY GOD PUT ME ON THE EARTH CAUSE I REALLY FEEL LIKE IM A BIG SCREW UP AND IM NO GOOD FOR NOTHING!!!! Anyone else feel like this somedays?

That's the whole point of religion, to make you feel like a pathetic, worthless, sinner who isn't worthy of the life that God created for you. And without lots and lots of money and a incredibly guilty conscience, you never will be worthy either!!! *NOTE* - If you toss in your son to a pack of priests now and then, I guess it's suppose to help. Or was it sacrificing some goats blood on an altar .. hmmmm I can't remember which.

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Why am I so sad? Why am I so upset? I should put my hope in God and keep praising him, my Savior and my God. ~Psalm 42:5 NCV

Now here's the same lady who wrote that last post, only one hour later or so. Yeah ....... looks like you found the answer all right. You felt like shit that you weren't good enough for God ... so you turned to God to feel better. Yeah, makes PERFECT sense now!

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Hate job stress. Hate. It.

ME TOO!!! That's why I gave it up! I found that not only was job stress stupid, but so was the entire JOB!! The whole concept of working and growing with a company and climbing the corporate ladder is total bullshit invented by 'the man' to keep you from enjoying your life. But what the hell am I wasting My time writing this for .. no one ever believes Me.

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not good, not good, not good. I have a little one with a fever and wheezing and I'm supposed to go away this weekend. Here's hoping she can fight this thing off.

Yeah .. I BET you hope she can fight this thing off. Wouldn't want to interrupt your plans and actually force you to be A PARENT! My guess is this girl could get pneumonia and you'd still find a way to leave for the weekend without caring for her anyway. Typical parent.

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Why is it when you are expecting money, something comes up and it ends up getting spent before you even have it? Tax refund due tomorrow - plumber needed called today. Sigh......

Because your a 'typical' American who doesn't have a dime in this thing called a savings account. I'm certain you live paycheck to paycheck, and when you make a major purchase, all your concerned about is 'how low are the monthly payments?' Not to mention you probably paid $100 or MORE to get a 'Rapid Refund' on the money THAT WAS YOURS TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!! It's people like you that have sunk this country into the financial collapse in the first place (but it's all in God's hands so it's OK). Stupid people like yourselves have to exist for greedy bankers to prey on. And if you think your little plumbing bill is a problem, try managing the fact that every single person in the United States owes over $35,000.00 to the deficit. That includes you, your spouse, AND your 5 kids (which you can't afford to begin with). Way to go, proud Christian parent!

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OK .. gotta quit, that last posting got the blood boiling. See ya soon!

Goodnight Dinosaurs

Sooooo like 65 million years ago the dinosaurs ruled the earth. They were the 'human beings' of yesteryear. Then out of nowhere a massive asteroid came and wiped them out, along with about 1/2 of all the species on earth.

Imagine that, a rock hurtling through space at such a speed that it created the atomic explosion a billion times more powerful than the bomb that hit Hiroshima!! That's incredible!!! Just one random rock smashing into another random rock millions of years ago. And here on our tiny planet, the world was coming to an end. But in the grand scheme of things .. the universe didn't even flinch. 100 trillion tons of TNT, a number that we can't even get our head around.

Imagine a big dent in the earth 112 miles across! One hundred and twelve MILES! Next time you take a little road trip, reset your trip meter and drive until it reads 112 miles, and realize that you're driving inside the crater of the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs. And if that don't impress you, then go update your Facebook account or something. Scientist can actually study the earth and see the debris from this massive collision all the way over in Europe! So basically a rock hit Mexico and debris landed as far away as Europe .. yeah, that's slightly impressive shit!

And back in the day, the dinosaurs thought they were 'the shit'. Nothing could touch them, they thought they were king of all the land. Well it didn't take much to put them in their place now did it? And now millions of years later, it's the same story .. just with humans. And one day our ass will get handed to us on a silver plate.

Yeah we humans think were so damn important. Everything revolves around us, we are the dominant species of everything. Yeah .. I hate to pop your bubble, but you ain't shit! Nobody is! Even our biggest baddest H-bomb available today that could wipe out half a country and leave the rest of the world with their tail between their legs doesn't even begin to compare to the energy output that our star (the sun) can do in a microsecond! And the sun is actually a rather small star compared to what's out there.

So next time your stuck at a red light, or someone forgot to put mayo on your Whopper at the drive thru, or your kids can't sleep, or the price of gas went up a nickel .. just realize how pathetic it is to even fathom of having such a worthless thought. Enjoy life, tell your boss to go fuck himself now and then, put down the remote control and stare at the stars, masturbate in public, take some chances, and be happy your not a dinosaur living a few hundred million years ago. Life is good .. enjoy!

Who would YOU rather ??

I'm a Mary Ann person Myself. But a Ginger-Mary Ann lez-fest is not something I'd rule out.

Those people that vote Mrs. Howell need not bother commenting.

Tip of the day.

Here's a little tip for you to stop becoming dumber by the day.

You know when your typing something and you spell it wrong, then the computer underlines it to let you know that you have a misspelled word? Well .... the common thing to do is 'right click' the mouse and highlight the correct spelling and continue on.

What the hell good does that do? NOTHING! It just makes you dumber! Next time, don't 'right click' the word, use your 'backspace' key and try again! And keep trying until you get it right! You might actually learn how to spell words this way. Interesting concept.

Another damning video

Yes another fascinating video on proof for evolution, and extinction, and speciation. Real scientific evidence as to how things evolved, when it happened, what was around during these different periods, and how life branched out into different life.

I post these videos because I am extremely confused as to how religious people say that the earth is only 6000 years old, and everything just appeared in a magic *POOF* !! I'm uncertain as to how one can argue the validity of the Bible when they are up against the mountains of evidence pointing the opposite way. I mean ...... evolution is NOT that difficult of a concept to grasp! Dare I say, it doesn't even require 'FAITH' !!

I mean WHO CARES !!!! So the Jesus story and the Mohammad story have both been proven to be nothing more than old mythological folk lore!! So you believed in something and it turned out to be wrong! Big deal .. why try keeping it alive just because of ignorance? That doesn't mean you can't believe in a 'creator' or some 'higher maker' out there somewhere. But lets put to rest this bullshit that Jesus talks to you and answers your prayers and heals the sick, and causes earthquakes in the lands where people sin too much. I mean enough is enough already!! Amen.

Facebook Analogy Part 6

Episode number 6 of the absurd stupidity of Facebook ... and the millions who support it. Enjoy.


---- was impressed by the opening ceremonies. Still not a Sarah Mclachlan fan.....never will be, I guess. Loved the rest of it, though! :)

(response) I've always considered k.d. lang's style to be a little weird....but, I LOVE her voice. She's got some power in those folds! It was good to hear her tonight!

(response) And, I found it rather funny to see the fake snow falling on the opening ceremonies while I looked outside and saw the REAL snow falling outside my window! LOL....my own personal snow globe. :)

Here's what you may not know about. The two responses are from the same person who wrote the first post. That's right ..... SHE'S TYPING TO HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW do you believe Me that people are getting dumber by the day???

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Going to hang up laundy, take a shower then head to walmart to get hangers & some other things


I'm speechless other than the fact that I'd bet good money you'd be the perfect candidate for the "People of Walmart" sight.

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--- is wishing my Grandpa a Happy Birthday today! 92 and still going strong! He's an inspiration to us all. :) At the same time, I'm remembering the family of my friend, ---- -----, who died a year ago today. Please hold them in your prayers on this difficult day.

Now assuming I believed in prayer .. just what in the fuck do you want Me to pray about?? The guy is already dead! Do you want Me to pray that he comes back to life for his family?? Am I supposed to believe that this 'total stranger to Me' should have the same magical resurrection as Jesus Christ??? Why the fuck do you think after 2000 years, HE should be the lucky one????

Or maybe I'm supposed to pray for the family of the lost one. And just what the fuck am I supposed to pray about then??? That they remember the day?? That they forget the day?? That there is BINGO every night starting at 6:30?

And your grandpa who's 92 is NOT an inspiration to ME!!!!! I'VE NEVER EVEN MET THE FUCKER!!!!!! He's probably just another asshole who insists on being out in public everyday taking 10 times as long to do whatever it is the rest of us do at regular speed! I got a better idea .. why don't you keep YOUR family shit to the little circle called YOUR FAMILY!!!??!! Dumb hairy slit!

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It's time to book a trip to Vegas.....hehehehehe.....work is just too demanding lately.....gotta get the heck outta Dodge! ;)

What you don't know is that MOST of this person's 'Facebooking' is done AT WORK ... WHILE WORKING!!!!!!! Yeah .. typical American lazy tit. Goes to work, visits, plays on the computer, drinks coffee, gets paid for it, and then has the nerve to complain that the job is stressful. Did I mention we are becoming the embarrassment of the world?

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--- is wishing ---- a wonderful birthday today. Love you soooooo much!

Awwww ... how sweet! GO FUCK YOURSELF!

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Honestly......are EVERYONE'S children as strange and wild as mine are????? Or am I just the lucky one? ;-) (Spring cannot come soon enough to this house, methinks!)

Nope .. your children are the STRANGEST ones in the entire world! You know why? Because their mommy types down every single thing she's ever done in a given day on Facebook, and it's in their genes to one day become as retarded as their parents.

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--- is getting ready to go the the Valentine Dinner at church. The men do the cooking, serving, and entertainment.....and they EVEN clean up afterward! It's become a pretty popular event for the congregation. :)

You know what else has become popular at church's these days? Raping altar boys. Way to celebrate your love in a pedophile institution that teaches 'Fairy Tales' are REAL!! .. how sweet ;)

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Right now Mike is playing a quiet game of Guess who with Xander and Zaan is playing with Abby. Jacob just got fed and Allison is sleeping:)

RIGHT NOW there are A LOT of things going on this world .... and what your kids are currently doing just didn't make the "I Give A Shit" list!! Way to name your kids by the way .. Xander and Zaan! Are they going to be aliens in space when they grow up or something? I'm sure they'll get the shit beat out of them in school a few times for their goofy names that you insisted on giving them. AND FIVE KIDS ... WHOA!!! Way to go on that venture!!! The sixth one must not be on the way yet because I'm sure you would have mentioned what 'it' was doing also!

Oh .. and for the record. I just farted and it smells like RiceARoni, the wife is bleeding from Her pussy, My youngest one is watching Sponge Bob, My oldest one is discovering the art of masturbating, and the dog is currently licking his dick. Still feel like sharing ????

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So dont you hate it when your man thinks that valentines day is just another day?

Yeah .. I hate that shit! Especially when you consider Valentines Day is a bunch of made up bullshit about SAINT VALENTINE. Uhmmmmmm .. how many saints do you know in YOUR life?? That's right .. NONE ... because there is no such thing as SAINTS you stupid sack of hair!!!
And the idea of Valentines Day that we know it is just ANOTHER ploy to get YOUR money to provide the false idea that it proves your love for a significant other! That's right ... it's a holiday .. for RETAILERS!!! Just like every other fucking holiday. Why don't you smarten up (like your man did), and show your true love by having hot, passionate sex until you can't walk anymore and have to call in sick the next day. Just don't have a 'love child' because of it ..that's all I ask.

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Either cupid hit me in the head with that stinkin arrow & gave me a headache, or I need him to so it'll relieve some pressure. Ow.

Yeah .. it could possibly be one of those two things, or maybe something else. Could it be the breakdown of the DNA double helix linkage in your body from lack of use? Maybe it's the genes in your brain committing suicide because they don't feel needed anymore. Maybe your the beginning of a frightening trend ... 'backward evolution' .. where the human starts to go back to a form of ape-like creature because it didn't use it's current human form to anything near full capacity!!! I'd say any of these would be a greater possibility than a magic fairy shooting love darts at your head.

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Well better stop now .. I'm starting to get depressed that I'm one of the human race. See ya next time!

WHAT A DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

*Warning* - long posting .. but well worth it!



Ohhhhhhh some days I'm just happy to be alive! I lead a pretty quiet, uneventful life so I'm pretty easily amused.

Today 3 Jehovah's Witnesses came to My country door. First of all, I think you gotta be pretty desperate to go out to the country where there's only a house every 5 miles. I mean how are you going to meet your Jesus quota that way????

So they tell Me they're here to talk to Me about God, and hand Me a couple of brochures, one of them is about 'What does God think of alcohol?" to which I replied, "Didn't Jesus turn the water into wine? Oh yeah, and weren't some of his disciples so drunk they passed out butt naked?"

And the reply was "Yes, people have messed up this world something terrible."

And My response "Didn't God create people?? Isn't God perfect? Why would God create something that didn't work just so He could punish it? Is God that sadistic? If I built a car that blew up every 3 feet, wouldn't I just start over with a NEW car instead of just blaming the old car (that I created) as being a piece of crap?"

*** at this point the poor ladies knew this wasn't going to be the 'average' house call.

Then they pointed out that all the earthquakes and hurricanes are God's way of saying that the end times are near.

I simply said, "All the earthquakes and stuff are the cause of 'climate change' that's probably caused by HUMANS and it's the earth's way of saying "KNOCK IT OFF!!" I also pointed out that driving around in the country telling old folk tales is not helping their 'carbon footprint' either! And why is this end times the right one? What happened to 1988, what happened to 2000? Are you now selling 2012 as the magic time??" I also pointed out that the odd weather that we are seeing ain't NOTHING .... just wait another 10 or 20 years and watch the fun! Oh yeah, I also pointed out that IF God creates these earthquakes, it was sure nice of Him to slaughter 200,000 innocent people in Haiti. Nice guy!!!

Then I felt obligated to point out that their Bible says the earth is around 6000 years old even though every single branch of science has unanimously agreed that the earth is around 4.5 billion years old and is whizzing through the universe which is around 14.4 billion years old.

They said "God created MAN around 6000 years old, not the earth and stars and stuff."

My response "BULLSHIT ...... In the beginning there was a endless VOID, and God created the earth, and the stars, and the planets, and the trees, and the waters, and , and , and. Then He was exhausted so He took a nap on the 7th day."

And they tried to say "It doesn't really say how long man has been around in the Bible."

And I responded "BULLSHIT ..... it's one of many fatal errors in the bible. They put a genealogy chart that can be traced back to the days of Adam and Eve, and that same time God made them, He created everything else too!! Nice try!!"

** At this point I started to realize that they didn't have much of a leg to stand on with their questions, so I decided to turn the tables around and throw out a few questions of My own.

So I asked THEM - "How come God never answers prayers? How come Christian people who get married have a higher divorce rate than non-Christians? How come there is NO evidence of a world wide flood? Wouldn't it be safe to say that if you were in Pakistan right now doing the same thing you'd be handing out brochures of how Mohammad is the son of Allah? Why are there unicorns mentioned in the Bible? How come the Bible says the earth is the center of all the universe and everything spins around us, when it clearly doesn't? Do you really believe that Noah lived to be 950 years old, and at around 500 years old He took on the task of building a 450 foot ark made up of gopher wood? Isn't it odd that God's 7th commandment is 'thou shalt not kill' and yet God himself commanded the death of millions of people?"

Oh yeah .. needless to say, I don't think these poor Jehovah witnesses were quite up to the task of dealing with a prick like Me! If it wasn't the middle of winter, I would have taken them on the tour of "Noah's Ark" that I measured out on My property. I think I could have spent a few hours with these ladies ... hell, I might have even convinced them to become agnostic!

And as we parted ways they asked if they could come back some day and discuss God with Me again (must be part of the contract to get to Heaven). To which I kindly said "NO". I pointed out that I would enjoy them coming to My door spouting religion to Me just as much as they would like it if a bunch of naked men had a gay orgy on their front doorstep. I wished them luck, and told them you don't need religion to be a good person, it's OK to just go out in the world and be good person all on your own!

And My last words to them were the best sound advice I thought I could give, and that is "I don't know all the answers .. but YOU DON'T EITHER! And that's OK! Take care and good luck."

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So all in all, that was a hell-of-a-lot of fun. I'm kinda disappointed I didn't tell them to come back. But I guess if I ever want to get into a heated debate about religion with someone, I shouldn't have to go very far to make that happen.

Thought for the day

If you took all the land animals out there today and weighed them all, do you know what 20% of that weight would be??

ANTS!!! No shit! 1/5 of all the weight of all the land animals walking around earth right now are frickin' ANTS!!

That's a lot of damn ants.

I am currently doing some research on these fascinating little creatures, and will be posting a blog about them soon. Stay tuned.

Now you know.

Dick of the day.

A 52-year-old Louisiana woman has pleaded guilty to two counts of sale of a minor for trading two children to a couple in exchange for an exotic pet bird and $175.

The Evangeline Parish Clerk of Court's Office tells The Advocate newspaper that Greenwell will begin serving her sentence March 25.

Greenwell was accused of selling the couple a 4-year-old girl and 5-year-old boy in return for the cash and a cockatoo. Both children were in Greenwell's care after their biological parents had left them with her.

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Moral of the story. Put your trust and faith in the church.

First Ladies

I've always wondered why the 'First Ladies' have always had to have a 'JOB' that they had to claim while their husband was in office? Who the hell invented this? Let's take a look at some of the 'first ladies' over the years and how successful they were at what they did.

Rosalynn Carter - She fought to help people with chronic mental health problems. I don't see the point in this. If these people are smearing peanut butter on their testicles in public to begin with .. I doubt they really care what the fuck anyone thinks of them anyway. Not to mention the biggest cause of mental illness is all the legal DRUGS that we're addicted to, not to mention a heaping helping of American diet!! But I don't see you taking on Pfizer or the USDA ... NOOOO .. can't do that .. they're already in your back pocket!

Nancy Reagan - She had the big 'war on drugs' theme and 'just say NO' thing going on. Yeah .. that really worked. Drugs are basically non-existent in the United States today. The only drugs our government wants us on is LEGAL drugs ... because it makes people RICH!!!! Way to go Nancy!

Barbara Bush - She was fighting to stop all the adult illiteracy in the country. Well, using time as a scale to measure on, we can easily see that people are STUPIDER than ever before!! EPIC FAIL!!

Hillary Clinton - She didn't do SHIT!! She was too busy being president!!

Laura Bush - encouraged reading!! A noble cause I guess. There's a Barnes & Noble yuppy store everywhere you look these days .. I guess you did your job! You might of put a little effort into making sure your husband didn't look like a fucking retard on a daily basis, but then those are some big shoes to fill.

Michelle Obama - fighting to stop childhood obesity. Sorry honey, your fighting a battle that can't be won!! You actually think your a adequate opponent against the likes of McDonalds, Burger King, Dairy Queen, Frito Lay, Coca Cola, Hershey Chocolate, Kelloggs, Kraft Food, Pizza Hut, the dairy industry, constant bombardment of commercials for junk food, and cartoons advertising food ......... meanwhile your holding up a carrot in defense???? YEAH .. good luck sweetie! The only way you can begin to conquer this monster is from inside the home with parents, which pretty much means we're FUCKED!

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You know what I'd like to see in the next first lady? Someone who doesn't do a God Damn thing. THAT would be impressive! Someone who just sits on a lawn chair in the back of the white house taking in the suns rays. Someone who says "Fuck you! I'm married to the most powerful man in the world. I don't gotta do SHIT! Now go get Me another margarita!"

I'm just afraid that the next first lady will be named "Todd".