Facebook Analogy Part 8

Stupid postings ... smart ass replies.

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Yes, its been 9 years. Some good days. Some bad. Still my favorite place in the world is cuddled up with him.

Ahhhwwww ... how SWEET IS THAT?? Next time it's his birthday, why don't you make a wish and blow him?!? And I'm guessing NOBODY remembered your anniversary either since you had to post it on Facebook just to get some attention!

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God has sent many blessing my way today, I'm not sure I could explain it better than that! =0)

This is just wrong on so many levels. This lady wants to give thanks to God for all the stuff that SHE'S ACCOMPLISHED in her life lately!!! Why don't you give YOURSELF some credit for all the college you've taken, and the pursuing of the job you wanted? It's just to damn bad that college didn't teach you the difference between mythology and reality!

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•.¸¸¸.•*¨*•Put ? this ? on ? your ? status ? if ? you ? have ? the ? most ? beautiful ? DAUGHTER ? in the ? world•*¨*•.¸¸¸.•*¨*••*¨*Love you ------

Ahhhhh shit!!!!! You beat Me to it!! And YOU have the most beautiful daughter in the world now!!! God Dammit!! Mine is just an ugly sack of shit now!! My daughter will certainly become a crack whore and pregnant doing interviews on the Maury Povich show! Why don't I just kill Myself and My daughter and get it over with??

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Today is the International Day for the Fight Against Cancer... In memory of those who lost the battle against cancer, and those who continue fighting. I pray for a cure. 92% of you won't copy & paste this text to their Facebook profile status, will you? I DID, for those I care for. Proud to be part of the 8%!

And just what contributions are you and the other 8% of the think-tank doing to help out with cancer anyway? Is it the fact that your praying about it? Or wishing it wasn't so? (which is about the same as praying by the way). If cancer is so bad, why did YOUR GOD invent it?? Seems kinda fucked up to Me!! So go ahead .. be the PROUD 8% that did NOTHING to improve the odds to cure cancer ... I'll stick with the other 92% who actually believe that physical work is needed to cure a disease. You should be EMBARRASSED to be in the 8% category.

And by the way .. cancer has been around for like 4000 years ... I think we can rule out PRAYER as an option that DOESN'T WORK!!! Dumb bitch!!

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------- has requested that I take them ice skating today. I took ----- ice skating once about four years ago. Other than that, I have not skated in about 20-25 years. We will be going to the little outdoor rink in the middle of town.....thank goodness it's a *small* town! ;-) (I wonder if I should strap a pillow to my backside?)

As long as you DON'T wear any head protection, I really don't see any harm that can become of it. Enjoy .. and play hard!!

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is very frustrated right now ergh........

*WARNING* - lame attempt to get people to pay attention to this persons pathetic needs.

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----- is proud. ------ is representing her class today at the county spelling bee. Good luck!

Wow .. a student who can spell, that's really shocking news. Why don't you just be happy that your kid was born with 10 fingers and 10 toes and spare the rest of us all the bragging about stupid shit!?!

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Is spendind time with ----- mom, dad and grandma! What a great night! God is so good! Thank you God for the blessings

Seriously!??!! Is there ANYTHING that you DON'T give God PRAISE FOR??? Thanking God for spending time with someone ... like that wasn't YOUR choice to do that or anything. You had a good time with relatives and your only response is "God is so good!" What a fucking delusionoid you are! Do you do this at home when a nice healthy 12 inch turd slides quietly into the bowl without splashing? "AHHHHHHHHHHH .... GOD IS SOOOOOOO GOOD!!!" We need to find all the people like you and have a public hanging in the town square one day!!

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Until the whole world hears.. Lord we are crying out!

Believe Me ... it's been like 2000 years now and millions and millions of people dead in "HIS" name. I think it's safe to say the world has heard of Him by now. Why don't you try something new and KEEP HIM TO YOUR FUCKING SELF???

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kinda just lounging around the house today. hoping my contacts show up so i don't have to where my glasses to work again

And once again ... I'm just speechless.

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What is the measure of a man? Is it his strength, or is it a thought that others feel a man must be. Is sexuality that much of a focus in life? The past is just that. We all dwell in it at times, but the present and future still are to come. Is BI-Sexuality that bad that one must be a pushed down for it.

Here's a guy who's married and is constantly writing shit like this. Why don't you just admit it ... YOUR FUCKING GAY!!!!!!! Admit that you got married to try to lead a 'normal' life while hiding your homosexuality. My advice to you : Get a divorce, let your ex-wife continue on her way to try and regain what sense of pride she has left, meanwhile your free to go out and suck dick without guilt. It's a win-win situation you stupid fudge packer!

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Lost in thought, it is answers that are sought. How lost one can become. Fighting to find the light. Only to be trapped by darkness. Friends who seem true, now glow from their own radiation. Trusting only in ones self. The games others play. Only to be forced to play yourself. Where is the sanctity in life.

More stupid posting by 'gay boy'. I mean come on ... wake up to reality!! Your a married man who types poetry about how tough it is to be gay in the world. READ THE CLUES Sherlock Holmes. I say the sooner you have a big penis stuck up your ass, the happier you'll be.

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Well that's enough for this time. And it also brings to a close the 'Facebook Analogy' series. After watching what everyone types for a couple weeks, and then commenting on it ..it didn't take long to see a pattern that just about everything that gets typed out on Facebook is pretty much a repeat after a very short time. Hence, it is useless to continue this venture .. kinda like Facebook itself. Hope you enjoyed it, it was an interesting experiment for Me.

All 8 of the FaceBook Analogies will soon be available on DVD by late spring 2010 for only $29.99 plus S+H. Send your checks in today to make sure you get a copy!!

Facebook Analogy Part 7

More stupid posting. More intelligent replies. Enjoy!

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Can't believe my boy is 18 today!!!

Well I'm guessing yesterday He was 17 years, 364 days old. What exactly did you expect to happen today OTHER than the fact that he'd turn 18. *WARNING* - this phenomenon will happen again in exactly one more year .. be prepared.

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Awww you all are awesome! Thank you for all the wonderful birthday wishes:) I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends

Seriously? Facebook alerts people to when somebody's birthday is, and that somehow translates in your brain that you should be thankful you have such wonderful friends??? This is like programming your coffee maker to make coffee at 5:30AM so when you wake up there is a nice, hot pot of java ready for you ...... and then being so thankful that your coffee maker is such a wonderful thing to actually remember you each and every morning. A coffee maker with feelings and emotions!!!!! How can that be?????

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Joy and Sadness, all in the same day.

*WARNING* - Attention alert! The ONLY reason this person posted this is because of the lame attempt to get people to ask what's wrong. Go swallow some DranO!

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A bit tired..think it's almost bed time


Yup ... those two things tend to go hand in hand oddly enough.

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my son is on the phone with a girl who called him...isn't he too young for all this?

Well now .. it could be worse! At least he's actually TALKING to another human being, unlike some idiotic parents who spend their day TYPING to a bunch of fake cyber friends on Facebook. All in all, I'd say without your parental supervision, he MIGHT have a chance of leading a productive, healthy life!!

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Is teaching her little boy to tie his shoes.

YOU MUST BE SOOOOOOOO PROUD!!! Statistically speaking .. only 1 in 25,310 parents actually teach their kids to tie their own shoes! It's NO WONDER you took the time to type it out on Facebook for the rest of the world to 'OOOH and AAAH' over!

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I went to WalMart, children in tow, at 5:30 today. I need my head examined. Thankfully, -------- gave me something to smile about. On the way in, she was telling me about the "glow-in-the-dark" fish they have. She said, "They glow because God put lights in them...you know, how He said, 'Let there be light'? And they lit up!" :)

Yeah .. it's cute when they're 5 years old, but it's damn scary when they still believe bullshit stories when they become adults because the parents were too stupid to teach them the truth eventually. Which explains why you felt the urge to go to Walmart and type about it on Facebook in the first place. It also explains why when MY children say we should pray about something, I tell them "Every time you pray to Jesus, God kills a baby puppy."

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Just wondering if anyone else has days were-----MMMM I WONDER WHY GOD PUT ME ON THE EARTH CAUSE I REALLY FEEL LIKE IM A BIG SCREW UP AND IM NO GOOD FOR NOTHING!!!! Anyone else feel like this somedays?

That's the whole point of religion, to make you feel like a pathetic, worthless, sinner who isn't worthy of the life that God created for you. And without lots and lots of money and a incredibly guilty conscience, you never will be worthy either!!! *NOTE* - If you toss in your son to a pack of priests now and then, I guess it's suppose to help. Or was it sacrificing some goats blood on an altar .. hmmmm I can't remember which.

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Why am I so sad? Why am I so upset? I should put my hope in God and keep praising him, my Savior and my God. ~Psalm 42:5 NCV

Now here's the same lady who wrote that last post, only one hour later or so. Yeah ....... looks like you found the answer all right. You felt like shit that you weren't good enough for God ... so you turned to God to feel better. Yeah, makes PERFECT sense now!

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Hate job stress. Hate. It.

ME TOO!!! That's why I gave it up! I found that not only was job stress stupid, but so was the entire JOB!! The whole concept of working and growing with a company and climbing the corporate ladder is total bullshit invented by 'the man' to keep you from enjoying your life. But what the hell am I wasting My time writing this for .. no one ever believes Me.

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not good, not good, not good. I have a little one with a fever and wheezing and I'm supposed to go away this weekend. Here's hoping she can fight this thing off.

Yeah .. I BET you hope she can fight this thing off. Wouldn't want to interrupt your plans and actually force you to be A PARENT! My guess is this girl could get pneumonia and you'd still find a way to leave for the weekend without caring for her anyway. Typical parent.

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Why is it when you are expecting money, something comes up and it ends up getting spent before you even have it? Tax refund due tomorrow - plumber needed called today. Sigh......

Because your a 'typical' American who doesn't have a dime in this thing called a savings account. I'm certain you live paycheck to paycheck, and when you make a major purchase, all your concerned about is 'how low are the monthly payments?' Not to mention you probably paid $100 or MORE to get a 'Rapid Refund' on the money THAT WAS YOURS TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!! It's people like you that have sunk this country into the financial collapse in the first place (but it's all in God's hands so it's OK). Stupid people like yourselves have to exist for greedy bankers to prey on. And if you think your little plumbing bill is a problem, try managing the fact that every single person in the United States owes over $35,000.00 to the deficit. That includes you, your spouse, AND your 5 kids (which you can't afford to begin with). Way to go, proud Christian parent!

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OK .. gotta quit, that last posting got the blood boiling. See ya soon!

Facebook Analogy Part 6

Episode number 6 of the absurd stupidity of Facebook ... and the millions who support it. Enjoy.


---- was impressed by the opening ceremonies. Still not a Sarah Mclachlan fan.....never will be, I guess. Loved the rest of it, though! :)

(response) I've always considered k.d. lang's style to be a little weird....but, I LOVE her voice. She's got some power in those folds! It was good to hear her tonight!

(response) And, I found it rather funny to see the fake snow falling on the opening ceremonies while I looked outside and saw the REAL snow falling outside my window! LOL....my own personal snow globe. :)

Here's what you may not know about. The two responses are from the same person who wrote the first post. That's right ..... SHE'S TYPING TO HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW do you believe Me that people are getting dumber by the day???

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Going to hang up laundy, take a shower then head to walmart to get hangers & some other things


I'm speechless other than the fact that I'd bet good money you'd be the perfect candidate for the "People of Walmart" sight.

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--- is wishing my Grandpa a Happy Birthday today! 92 and still going strong! He's an inspiration to us all. :) At the same time, I'm remembering the family of my friend, ---- -----, who died a year ago today. Please hold them in your prayers on this difficult day.

Now assuming I believed in prayer .. just what in the fuck do you want Me to pray about?? The guy is already dead! Do you want Me to pray that he comes back to life for his family?? Am I supposed to believe that this 'total stranger to Me' should have the same magical resurrection as Jesus Christ??? Why the fuck do you think after 2000 years, HE should be the lucky one????

Or maybe I'm supposed to pray for the family of the lost one. And just what the fuck am I supposed to pray about then??? That they remember the day?? That they forget the day?? That there is BINGO every night starting at 6:30?

And your grandpa who's 92 is NOT an inspiration to ME!!!!! I'VE NEVER EVEN MET THE FUCKER!!!!!! He's probably just another asshole who insists on being out in public everyday taking 10 times as long to do whatever it is the rest of us do at regular speed! I got a better idea .. why don't you keep YOUR family shit to the little circle called YOUR FAMILY!!!??!! Dumb hairy slit!

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It's time to book a trip to Vegas.....hehehehehe.....work is just too demanding lately.....gotta get the heck outta Dodge! ;)

What you don't know is that MOST of this person's 'Facebooking' is done AT WORK ... WHILE WORKING!!!!!!! Yeah .. typical American lazy tit. Goes to work, visits, plays on the computer, drinks coffee, gets paid for it, and then has the nerve to complain that the job is stressful. Did I mention we are becoming the embarrassment of the world?

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--- is wishing ---- a wonderful birthday today. Love you soooooo much!

Awwww ... how sweet! GO FUCK YOURSELF!

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Honestly......are EVERYONE'S children as strange and wild as mine are????? Or am I just the lucky one? ;-) (Spring cannot come soon enough to this house, methinks!)

Nope .. your children are the STRANGEST ones in the entire world! You know why? Because their mommy types down every single thing she's ever done in a given day on Facebook, and it's in their genes to one day become as retarded as their parents.

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--- is getting ready to go the the Valentine Dinner at church. The men do the cooking, serving, and entertainment.....and they EVEN clean up afterward! It's become a pretty popular event for the congregation. :)

You know what else has become popular at church's these days? Raping altar boys. Way to celebrate your love in a pedophile institution that teaches 'Fairy Tales' are REAL!! .. how sweet ;)

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Right now Mike is playing a quiet game of Guess who with Xander and Zaan is playing with Abby. Jacob just got fed and Allison is sleeping:)

RIGHT NOW there are A LOT of things going on this world .... and what your kids are currently doing just didn't make the "I Give A Shit" list!! Way to name your kids by the way .. Xander and Zaan! Are they going to be aliens in space when they grow up or something? I'm sure they'll get the shit beat out of them in school a few times for their goofy names that you insisted on giving them. AND FIVE KIDS ... WHOA!!! Way to go on that venture!!! The sixth one must not be on the way yet because I'm sure you would have mentioned what 'it' was doing also!

Oh .. and for the record. I just farted and it smells like RiceARoni, the wife is bleeding from Her pussy, My youngest one is watching Sponge Bob, My oldest one is discovering the art of masturbating, and the dog is currently licking his dick. Still feel like sharing ????

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So dont you hate it when your man thinks that valentines day is just another day?

Yeah .. I hate that shit! Especially when you consider Valentines Day is a bunch of made up bullshit about SAINT VALENTINE. Uhmmmmmm .. how many saints do you know in YOUR life?? That's right .. NONE ... because there is no such thing as SAINTS you stupid sack of hair!!!
And the idea of Valentines Day that we know it is just ANOTHER ploy to get YOUR money to provide the false idea that it proves your love for a significant other! That's right ... it's a holiday .. for RETAILERS!!! Just like every other fucking holiday. Why don't you smarten up (like your man did), and show your true love by having hot, passionate sex until you can't walk anymore and have to call in sick the next day. Just don't have a 'love child' because of it ..that's all I ask.

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Either cupid hit me in the head with that stinkin arrow & gave me a headache, or I need him to so it'll relieve some pressure. Ow.

Yeah .. it could possibly be one of those two things, or maybe something else. Could it be the breakdown of the DNA double helix linkage in your body from lack of use? Maybe it's the genes in your brain committing suicide because they don't feel needed anymore. Maybe your the beginning of a frightening trend ... 'backward evolution' .. where the human starts to go back to a form of ape-like creature because it didn't use it's current human form to anything near full capacity!!! I'd say any of these would be a greater possibility than a magic fairy shooting love darts at your head.

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Well better stop now .. I'm starting to get depressed that I'm one of the human race. See ya next time!

Facebook Analogy Part 5

Time for another installment of Facebook Analogy .. aren't you lucky?!?

I'm still protecting the retarded who write this stuff, but not sure why. Enjoy.


--- is helping ------- make her Valentine box for her party tomorrow. This is always such a creative endeavor! :)

Yeah .. that's good to know. Might I add that if you wouldn't have opened YOUR Valentine BOX a few years ago .. it's possible we wouldn't be reading this stupid shit in the first place!!

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--- just realized she has crumbs and various assorted sticky things on her shirt. But.....I'm a mom.....I have an excuse! I think.

Speaking of sticky things on your shirt ... it's really a damn shame that your dad didn't squirt some sticking stuff on your moms shirt that fateful night when you were conceived!!!

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---- is 1 week old today!

Wow .. that's awesome!! I would have NEVER guessed that the baby you kept ranting about in your belly for the last 2 months would actually be a week old EXACTLY 1 WEEK after it was born!!!! What are the fucking odds of that??? Now in 7 more days if she's two weeks old, I'm just gonna start shitin' bricks .. PLEASE keep us posted!

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--- is going to bed.....night everyone!!! going to rapid city for the weekend cant wait!!!!

It's a 'double whammy' stupidity post!!! Not only did you post the fact that your going to bed (congratulations by the way), but also you threw in a 'little hint' that you want everyone to comment about how lucky you are to be going on a trip because nobody would care otherwise!!

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--- is surrounded by people receiving good news. :-) Is it my turn now?

What you don't know is that this dumb, spoiled bitch has been trying to sell her other house for 2 years now. And every time (except this one) she has a 'showing', she asks everyone on the internet to pray for her. I'd say she's had a good 30 prayer requests for her now ... one would think you'd find the link between praying .. and prayer NOT working. Hmmmm

Not to mention she's the typical yuppy bitch I've come to HATE. She is constantly living a lifestyle that many of us would dream about. Trip after trip, Florida, Hawaii, Niagara Falls .. entertainment, fine wine, fine dining, concerts ... you name it ... she's doing it, and pretty much on a daily basis. Then she has the balls to complain how hard it is making two house payments. I like to think that if she died a horrific death tomorrow, I would celebrate just a little bit. Is that wrong?

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*sigh* repeat of last weekend just different teams Friday ~ OT appointment and hockey game Saturday ~ basketball game and hockey game Sunday ~ hockey game *sigh*

This is what I like to refer to as 'self inflicted' stupidity. The stress that people create all on their own and then bitch about it. I'm sure she also thinks that God magically impregnated her with her kids because God has the master plan for her life. Yeah .. it wasn't the fact that a sperm driven penis dove into a swollen hot vagina and spewed out a wad of love snot without protection. YOU CREATED IT ...... YOU DEAL WITH IT!!!! By the way .. no one put a gun to your head and said your kids HAD to be in hockey and/or basketball!!! Shit brick!

*note to self* - "Sperm driven penis" ... it's got a nice 'ring' to it. Could be a sequel to A Purpose Driven Life??

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I hope I look good Bald, cause I'm going to pull my freaking hair out.

Very similar to the desperate "Tomorrow is my birthday" plea. Just typing a 'teaser' post in the desperation that other people will be forced to ask you what's wrong. Hey .. next time you feel like pulling your hair out and typing it on Facebook, just grab a scissors and plunge it into your throat. This stops the hair from growing.

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I didn't see it coming, so I didn't duck. I wish I could have seen it coming so it would miss me, but I didn't, now I have it. I have a miserable cold.

Ahhhh tricky tricky tricky!! You may not have seen this, but it's ANOTHER desperate plea for sympathy from people who otherwise would not give a shit. But they put it in a secret little catchy phrase instead!! Probably due to the fact that this person has made so many 'regular pleas' that they needed to evolve it into better ones to get the same attention. PATHETIC!! Go gargle with razor blades .. I heard that works!!

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Ate dinner, cleaned the living room. Now it is time to start bed time I was going to let them stay up late but I need them to go to bed.

Nothing to say here that hasn't already been said ... just sit back, relax, and watch people getting more pathetic and stupid by the minute.

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Fellowship of the Hearts Banquet tonight at church...can't wait to have dinner out with my husband and no kids!

Yup ... the number one goal of PARENTS. NOT having the KIDS! Wow.

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we can find 1,000,000 people who don't believe in Evolution before June

This is just damn scary. Someone I vaguely know has joined a group to find a million people who don't believe in evolution, but instead every living species (possibly a 100 million of them) just magically appeared one day. To be so ignorant to snub his nose at mountains and mountains of evidence from the most intelligent people from all over the globe over the past 150 years without EVER being proved wrong ONCE despite millions of tests. This is why I think we should cancel ALL current government assistance programs and invest in 'forced education courses'. A 1 week mandatory course for each and every American teaching this thing called REALITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I predict assholes like this will surely be an active participant in the extinction of the human race.

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tonight's stats: 4 people asking if I was having twins, 9 comments that I'm really big or huge, and 13 people's eyes getting as big as saucers when I mentioned that I'm due in a month. Becoming a hermit sounds more appealing than ever.

tonight's replies: 4 people who thinks the fact that your pregnant is NOT WORTH MENTIONING, 9 comments on your just adding to the 400,000 other crying little shits who will be born any given day, 13 people offering you a coat hanger and a dark alley when you mentioned the fact that you already have 3 OTHER KIDS!!! A swift kick in the stomach sounds more appealing than ever if you ask Me!


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And I'll have to quit there for today. Blood pressure has risen to the danger point. Until next time .. you keep typing, I'll keep observing.

Facebook Analogy Part 4

Yes another installment of FB analogy is upon us.

As always .. the names of the retarded have been deleted to protect them from .. uhmmm .. being a retard I guess. Enjoy!

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My hands feel like popsicles. Just can't get them warm. Maybe some of the hot cocoa that Jane bought me for Christmas will warm me up. Marshmallows! Yum!

Why not entertain the idea of sticking your frozen hands down your pants and masturbating?? You'd skip the experience of looking like a retard by posting something so lame, you'd warm up your hands, you'd relinquish your sexual drive for awhile, and you'd avoid having another fucking kid who will one day grow up and type stupid shit on Facebook!!

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school is already cancelled for tomorrow again, nice that --- has off work, because I don't care what kind of weather we have I am going to my interview...say a little prayer for me please that the right words come out

Two things wrong with this posting.

1. No matter what the weather .. your going to make it to a job interview? Really?? A JOB is that important that you'd risk your life on dangerous, icy roads mingling with 100's of other 1/2 ton pieces of steel? Yeah .. that about sums up the stupidity of people today. They actually think working is a TOP priority. Stupid yuppy dick!! Keep that system going slave bitch!!

2. You want Me to say a prayer that the words come out right?? Hmmmm. Dear God, I know you must be busy with all the chaos in Haiti, the countless wars going on in the world, genocides, rape, murder, torture, world hunger, natural disasters and a endless list of other stuff. Not to mention your plate MUST be full because from down here it doesn't look like your doing 'jack shit' about it. But if you have a free moment, could you please help My friend and make sure her words come out right, because as you know .. saying the wrong thing REALLY SUCKS. Thank you, amen.

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Update on the arm...got the splint off and my arm really hurts now. Didn't realize how much support that gave me. Have to wear my sling now for about 4 wks. I think I'm going to need a lot of tylenol!!!

Complaining about how much it hurts to use your arm .. and yet enduring the pain to type to the rest of the world on just how much it hurts. I don't think your arm is your top priority for some reason. I think it's more of your 'Attention Whore' status sunk from level 10 to level 9 and you need to get it back up again.

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doing a couple of small projects around the house today. then lunch with my honey

This person just baffles Me. He/She always types something lame and stupid ... AND NO ONE EVER RESPONDS!!! And then, the next day .. He/She DOES IT AGAIN!!!! WOW!! This continues almost every day! At what point do you realize that you don't even have ANY FAKE FRIENDS???

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got my walk in and some fixer upper chores done. also lunch with the wife and now .....nap time before work

You guessed it .. this is the same moron as above, just a few hours later. *NOTE* - no one responded to this one either! It's almost as He/She is typing to oneself to reassure that He/She is still alive and breathing, although WHY is yet to be figured out.

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Thunder and I are off to the Vet in a few..woof woof.Nothing really bad but bothersome and Mommy wants me at my best!woof woof I LOVE MY MOMMY!

Here's an exceptionally strange ranger who types everything through her dog. Just about everything she types is to appear that it's her dogs thoughts. Now while I think everyone on Facebook has a neurological disorder .. I think this person might need to visit the padded cell first.

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A blade went thru my neighborhood. Thank you, but were you drunk? I hope you go again, but don't hear the beep beep anywhere close. c'mon spring. It is 18 out tho! yeaa and that's above 0!

Yes, 18 IS above 0. Very good .. now go put up a 'smiley face' sticker next to your name :) And I'm guessing that you thought the blade operator was drunk because your one of the sorry excuses of a human that parks all their vehicles IN THE STREET instead of your driveway! I personally think any asshole that parks in the street during the winter should be first in line at the lobotomy clinic.

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--- thinks that God simply did NOT give me enough wisdom OR patience to go with these children He gave me to raise. Sometimes I wonder what He must think of the job I'm doing. I'm so thankful I'm forgiven, 'cause if I weren't, I'd have some 'splainin' to do!

YOUR RIGHT! God did NOT give you patience or wisdom, these are learned traits in human behavior! However God also did NOT give you 'these children' to raise either! YOUR children are the product of you spreading your legs one night to get your vagina tickled while your 'better half' was too stupid to wear a condom! DEAL WITH IT!! And you're NOT forgiven, nor will you have some 'splainin' to do either. This is reality .. WELCOME!

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Honey made me spaghetti & sauce. He also got me a puppy calendar...awww I love him!

In what specific way would you possibly conceive that anyone would give a flying fuck about what your eating?????? This concept totally eludes Me. And while YOU think your honey gave you a puppy calendar .. what he REALLY gave you a 'pussy' calender. You get to look at cute puppies, and your hubby will soon be looking at your cute pussy. This is the REAL reason guys give ANY gifts to women. Just make damn sure you put a helmet on that soldier before letting it go into battle to avoid becoming like the person in the posting directly above you that I just wrote about.

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It's "Survivor" time.....OH YEAH! :)

OH YEAH! - Time to sit back and watch someone else on TV and wish my life wasn't so pathetic that all I do is watch everyone else live their life. Somebody please just shoot this person.

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So proud of -------, my kid who hates cheese, ate a grilled cheese sandwich.

Your kid just ate a grilled cheese sandwich? No shit!?! Please don't joke about something so serious! There are probably a few HUNDRED MILLION KIDS in the world the same age as your child .. but YOURS ATE A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH!!! Son-of-a-bitch I'll be damned and dipped in butter!! Wait till your kid, who hates dick, comes home one day and tells Mommy and Daddy that he's gay and takes it up the poop shoot! Let's see your proud post then you pathetic twat!!

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And so ends another chapter in the pure stupidity of Facebook postings. And YES .. hard to believe, but there is more to come!

Facebook Analogy Part 3

Once again I will be analyzing pure stupidity taken directly from the pages of Facebook.

The postings are REAL, the names have been deleted to protect the purely retarded. Enjoy!

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Thank you everyone for the prayers !! My dad is still in ICU, heart rythem is finally normal, oxygen level is better, and he is getting to be a crabby old man!! Gotta love him! We will see what comes in mext few days! Thanks again to all!!!!

Ahhh once again a person who thinks 'prayer' saved someone's ass. You know what? If "prayer" saved your dad's ass, then what the fuck is He doing in ICU??? I don't think ICU holds prayer meetings to heal the sick. In fact, last time I checked it was highly advanced medical science that was in use to save people from the brink of death. Hey ... here's an idea for you. Next time your dad's on the brink of death, take him to church and lay him on the altar and pray about it and see how that works out for you. Dick head!!!!

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--- is snuggled under two blankets and is STILL freezing. I really want to be warm. Yet....I'm craving my chocolate fudge brownie frozen yogurt! That proves it. I'm a walking oxymoron.

Oxymoron? Not quite right. Take off the 'oxy' and I think the description fits much better.

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--- has a very resourceful child. She got VERY quiet, so I went looking for her. I found her in her closet....just standing there, holding a board up to her face. I said, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm playing hide and seek with my Barbies!" :)

1. Remove the board from your childs hands. 2. Whack board against your face until it becomes a softened, bloody, mass of swollen tissue. 3. Don't EVER post stupid ass shit that your precious little wad of sperm is doing again.

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Wow Mariah is going to be 7 months old on the 17th, time sure is going by fast!

Wow, Mariah will be 8 months in another month then. Mariah will be 2 years old in 1 year and 5 months. Mariah will be knocked up in 15 years and 7 months. Mariah will try Her first hit of acid in 14 years and 9 months. Mariah will buy Her first vibrator in 13 years and 2 months. Mariah will get raped by her uncle in 9 years and 6 months and because of it She will become a lesbian. Oh that crazy Mariah.

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Dishwasher going, bathroom cleaned, laundry folded, baby is sleeping and kids are on the bus all before 8:30am......Wow so far so good now I get to sit and have a cup of coffee.

Imagine just how pathetic one must be to post on the internet for everyone to see that for ONE morning of one day .. you actually were a mom. I'm sure the rest of the day consisted of staring at facebook, while texting your friends, and watching reality TV shows that you missed in the last week. Way to go June Cleaver.

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i need 1 nail 6 bricks 2 harnesses and 1 horseshoe thanks

I really have no idea what the fuck all these people are talking about. I'm guessing it's some interactive game on facebook where fucking farm animals is involved. I can only think that the creator of this game is laughing his ass off that all you sheeple are so massively involved in this stupid ass lame attempt to think you have a life.

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thank u for the bday wishes. I have the bestest friends ever!!

You remember that dick wad from "Facebook Analogy Part 2" that posted his birthday was tomorrow? Well here he is under the false assumption that all his friends remembered his birthday.

Note to dick wad : If you have to announce that it's your birthday just to get a bunch of people to give you birthday wishes, then MAYBE your friends aren't quite as good of friends as you might think. Dick wad.

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will be glad when the construction is complete. I have to go to the laundry mat again today :-(. On the plus side though, I can do eight loads of laundry in about two hours!

This is similar to hinting that it's your birthday. Posting some stupid ass shit like 'construction is almost complete'. It's just another lame attempt to FORCE people to ask "Oh .. what construction are you doing?" Then you get to believe that people actually are interested in your life.

And on a different note, do you SERIOUSLY think that it's spelled 'LAUNDRY MAT'???? You really thought that was the correct spelling???? 2 words Laundry and Mat!!!! WOW!!! Is a laundry mat the mat you step on when you go into a laundromat?? I guess this helps prove that the intelligence level has to be low in order to have a facebook account. Thank you for the confirmation on that.

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-- is eating a dark chocolate mocha almond granola bar. For supper. My children will be eating homemade chili with the babysitter. That's Wednesday for ya! :)

Have you ever eaten a dark chocolate mocha almond granola bar and immediately felt the urge to type it out for the world to see? Yeah .. Me either. And it's nice to know that you checked to see what your children will be eating for supper since you care about them so little that your not even going to be home tonight to raise them. What exactly is on the agenda that's more important than being a mom?? Going out to go get more dark chocolate mocha almond granola bars??? Well if you are .. I'm SURE we'll all read about that too!! Pathetic tit!

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“I’ve noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born.” ~Ronald Reagan

"Have you ever noticed that most of the people against abortion are women you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?" - George Carlin

And I'll put My George Carlin up against you Ronald Reagan ANY-DAY!!!!

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To celebrate Valentines Day, change your profile picture to you and your spouse/significant other and make sure to tell how long you've been together. Copy and paste this to you profile. --- and I have been together since June ---- *Wedding Anniversary -/-/--*

Let's see, My wife and I have been married almost 18 years and been going together almost 25. I'd say 24 of those years we have had vaginal intercourse, and entertained the idea of anal but just never was able to try it for real. She enjoys oral sex and I love a good blow job. One time she came so much that we actually had to get a new mattress. I masturbate a lot, but oddly enough My loving wife is almost always in My dreams too (how sweet) *wink*!

Is that enough information for you nosy fucks out there in Facebook land??? Why don't you mind your own fucking business and concentrate your efforts on YOUR ACTUAL LIFE .. instead of trying to impress all your cyber dick holes you call friends.

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Well that's a wrap for this time. Don't worry there will be more. It's as easy as shooting fish in a barrel ... check that ... it's as easy as staring at fish in a barrel. Actually, it's as easy as just having a barrel.

Facebook Analogy Part 2

It's time for the second installment of Facebook Analogy. I won't bore you with the long introduction (see Facebook Analogy Part 1).

All of the names have been changed to protect the absolutely retarded stupid people in the world.

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Gods is so good,, God is so good, God is so good to me. God answers prayer, God answers prayer!!!!Thankyou Thankyou!!!

Uhmmm .. "Gods" is imaginary,, God is imaginary, God is imaginary to you. God DOES NOT answer prayer, God DOES NOT answer prayer!!!! You are a delusional dumb ass!!! Yourwelcome Yourwelcome!!!

If your referring to your back surgery, that would be MEDICAL SCIENCE that saved your sorry ass, but thanks for spitting in the face of years and years of research just so you can praise your imaginary friend. Idiot!!!

Pondering the idea of love and how just like God, you can not touch, see, smell, or taste it...it can't be explained away by any biological means whatsoever, but it still exists. Most people just don't deny love. They'll take the feel good stuff but they won't take the tough stuff...the part that holds you accountabl...e. ~"God is love" 1 John 4:8

NOPE! God is NOT LOVE. Love is an emotion. God is an IMAGINARY thing you create to make you feel better. The same way when you were 3 years old and needed a teddy bear or blanket to make you feel safe, nice thought, but it's all bullshit. You know .. bullshit .. kinda like the consistency of your brain matter.

Getting ready to watch my little girl dance. Well, I guess she isn't so little anymore. I will take pics and post them later.

Do Me a favor would ya. Instead of taking pics of your spawn for everyone to see, why don't you put a loaded gun up to your temple and then we'll ALL be happy!

OMG I just saw commercial for another Reality TV show called RuPaul Drag race..What next?

OMG .. I'd bet My last dollar you'll be watching it!!!!! WHY??? Because your a worthless piece of shit who substitutes your life for that of someone on TV!! THAT'S WHY!!!

I can't believe the girls and I slept from 4 pm yesterday until 6:30 this morning...

You know what I can't believe? I can't believe that 1000's of people write stupid shit like this for other people to read .. that's what I can't believe.

Went out and bought a steam mop and its my new best friend!! My floors are clean again!!!

Wow ... I mean fucking WOW!! THAT is bar-none exciting!! I was so God damn worried about your dirty floors I could hardly sleep at night. I LITERALLY was thinking of slicing My own wrists because My life was just too good because My floors were clean, and yours were dirty. My guess is your second best friend runs on batteries.

--- says Tenley needs to get the helium out of her voice and stop dancing for the man you are trying to win. I was embarrassed. But Vienna is next, so it can only get worse.

Now I don't even know what the fuck this person is talking about. But I'll make a wild shot in the dark even though I've never heard of any of these names before. She's watching some stupid ass reality TV show. Am I right?

my last evening being 29....sigh.

Ahhhh the old "HERE IS MY DESPERATE PLEA TO FORCE PEOPLE TO REMEMBER AND WISH ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINCE I'M SUCH A PATHETIC AND SHALLOW HUMAN BEING" trick. This shit is done in dozens of different ways .. all with the same stupid results. That is .. in the end, you end up looking like a pathetic ASS !!!!!!

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Until next time, keep typing people. My views on stupidity of people becomes closer and closer to a scientific theory each and every day.

FaceBook Analogy Part 1

Have I ever told you I have the coolest wife in the world? Yeah .. we all say it, but I think only I can prove it. My loving wife has continued letting Me view Her Facebook account without complaint. It's been a love/hate thing for Me. I love watching just how stupid people are, and I hate the fact that people are so fucking stupid!!!!!!! It's entertaining, and bad for My blood pressure at the same time .. but life is full of risks so what the hell.

The other good news is I've found a incredibly easy way to study human stupidity. I used to have to interact with people to do this, like talking with people, or going to Walmart .. both of which I hate doing. Now nothing beats the real thing, but observing Facebook stupidity is a close second.

So I have cut and pasted some of the dumber things I've seen over the past couple weeks for you to enjoy. I won't put their names up as to not piss these people off too much. But that would assume they actually read My blog (HA HA HA)!!! And if it's still a privacy violation, who gives a shit, I'll take the chance. Enjoy.

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We are in a winter storm advisory again. Makes it difficult to plan things. My daughter is due with her 9th child any day now and I cannot even get out of my driveway because the city dumped a very high drift in my driveway and I cannot shovel it. Have to wait until someone can come in with a bobcat.

Seriously??? 9 FUCKING KIDS?????????? What you may not know is this lady has ANOTHER daughter who also has 8 or 9 kids. Let's see, 4 original people now have become 22 PEOPLE!!! Yeah, that's intelligent. 22 people, of which I would guess 22 of them are probably on or going to be on government assistance! Nice. Thank you!

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If your Dad is your hero, whether you are blessed to have your Dad still with you, or if he has gone to be with the Lord, copy and paste this with his name

Yeah .. that's original. YOUR DAD is a hero! I guess My Dad was just a lump of shit compared to YOUR Dad. Might I say that almost EVERYONES Dad was a hero to them, hence why the fuck even bother with this stupid shit in the first place??? Asshole!

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*** is listening to Mason sing his little heart out to Johnny Cash...word for word!!!

Well good for YOUR KID!! Might I add that there are 400,000 of them little fuckers born every single day in the world?? Why would I give a shit that YOUR kid can sing some gay country lyrics. Oh .. and way to condone inbreeding you stupid hick!

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The color of your bra made the news BUT WILL THIS? Lets SUPPORT our Troops. If you support our Troops then please post this on your status and leave it there for one hour. There should be no excuses from anyone!!!!! This should appear in everyone's status! Please do this for the ones that make this the Land of Free and... the Home of the Brave!!

More gayness in action. We ALL support the troops!! Hell, I feel sorry for them! They got conned into thinking what their doing is fighting for FREEDOM and DEMOCRACY, when in reality, they are fighting for OIL and GREED!! Needless to say, they are all heros so why the fuck post something so damn obvious???

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**** well I am calling it a night..

WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! While your at it, take some sleeping pills .. lots and lots of sleeping pills!!!!!!!!!!

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Chad made vegetable soup and I made apple crisp. We make a great couple!

Well thank you for sharing the fact that two grown adults have the ability to create a meal. I'm shocked I didn't hear about this on a FOX NEWS ALERT since it's such an earth shattering event, followed by the fact that I took a shit, and later My wife peed. Dip shits!!!!

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And there's more folks. Oh soooo much more. Trying to get to the bottom of stupidity on Facebook is like landing on the moon and claiming you've explored the whole universe!! Stay tuned for another episode of "Facebook Analogy" coming in the near future.

Facebook

*WARNING* - long posting bitching about the stupidity of people!!

(breath in ... exhale)

OK, here we go.

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Facebook. It would be hard for Me to describe anything more stupid, more lame, more worthless, more pathetic than Facebook shy of bottled water and religion. I throw out a lot of insults about people and stupidity ... some joking, some not ... but all kidding aside, I think you really have to have some sort of neurological disorder to have a Facebook account. To be so shallow that every little thing you do in life needs to be posted for everyone else to see .... it's so pathetic!!!!!

I have been fortunate enough to have been granted permission from My loving wife to be allowed to view Her Facebook account after the little 'divorce prank' I pulled last year. I swore up and down that I'm only on there to observe and that's all. And so that is what I've done, I've observed people and what they type, how often, and what they type about. And for all you who fell for the 'divorce prank' ... I say "GOOD"! I hope you lost sleep and grew some gray hair over it .. why? Because you need to get a FUCKING LIFE and worry about yourself!!!!!!!

I swear, I look at what you people type and think, "Oh shit ... we're doomed as a fully functioning society!" You people will type ANYTHING!!!!!!

-I rearranged My living room and I like it. WHO GIVES A SHIT, GET A LIFE!

-I took My kids for pictures and they turned out so cute. WHO GIVES A SHIT, GET A LIFE!

-I woke up tired and don't feel like going to work. WHO GIVES A SHIT, GET A LIFE!

-I can't believe how cold it is outside. WHO GIVES A SHIT, GET A LIFE!

-I'm cooking a roast today, and getting some laundry done. WHO GIVES A SHIT, GET A LIFE!

-I don't feel so good after going out last night. WHO GIVES A SHIT, GET A LIFE!

-I must get busy and get the kids ready for church. WHO GIVES A SHIT, GET A LIFE!

-I love My job, but it sure is hectic at times. WHO GIVES A SHIT, GET A LIFE!

-I'm thinking of taking the family on vacation next month. WHO GIVES A SHIT, GET A LIFE!

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I could go on, and on, and on, and on, and on. You know why?? Because that's ALL Face Book IS!!! One person babbling (bragging) about absolutely NOTHING, after another person, after another person ... forever and ever!!!!!!!!!

And I know what your thinking. "If you hate it, then don't go on and read it!!!!!!!" Yes, yes, I know .. but your missing My point! I seriously worry about a society that seeks happiness by finding comfort in the fact of telling the rest of the world that "I had chicken noodle soup today and it was yummy!!" SERIOUSLY FOLKS ... this is what it's come to? REALLY!!!!!!

This obsession of constantly needing to know what everyone else is doing at any given time is NOT NORMAL!!!! And need I remind you that this is just ONE example of 'patheticness'. Add on the fact that you also have email, and cell phones with voice mail, and texting, and your regular phone and snail mail!!!!!!!! You people really, really worry Me! Do you EVEN know who your immediate family is anymore?????

I kind of see Facebook the same way as I see religion. Your either blinded by it and have NO idea how stupid it really is, OR your outside the bubble looking in at just how stupid it is. But I would encourage all you 'Facebookies' out there to take some time and actually LOOK at what you type, LOOK at what all your 'cyber freinds' type ... and view it OUTSIDE the bubble, and I think you'll begin to see just how pathetically stupid it really is!

And I would argue that most of you I'm sure are two income, ball busting, full time workers with kids. I wonder if you really ever spend time with them? I don't know how you can .. your ALWAYS typing of Facebook! I can picture it now ... "Mommy .. how come you never play with Me?" "NOT NOW .. Mommy's updated Her Facebook page!!!" OR "I'm too busy taking the 'How pathetic is My life' quiz on Facebook".

Is it really that hard to concern your time with ........ ohhhhhhhh ....... I dunno ... maybe people that you can SEE, and TOUCH, and MINGLE with (you know, that thing you call a family)! And I'm sure your excuse is .. "But that's what we DO on Face Book, keep in touch with friends and family." BULLSHIT!!!!!!!! All you do on Facebook is BRAG!! It's 'LOOK AT ME' syndrome ... and nothing else!! You people are so pathetic, your like a little two year old who constantly needs attention! You actually post "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY" just for the hope that some people will wish you well .. it's so sad!! But you don't come right out and say it ... noooooo .. can't do that! Your more sneaky. Some thing like "Jessica doesn't feel 37 today, She's more like a 20 years old with 17 years extra wisdom." Or you'll have your spouse write "Happy Birthday Honey, your the best!!" All in the hopes that SOMEONE will notice you!! But I would argue that no matter how you type it, it's the same pathetic 'look at Me syndrome' either way! Are all you really that starved for attention that someone typing you a 'smiley face' that winks as a response is enough to get you through the day???? REALLY!!!!!!! I'm curious .. what do you do for intimate needs? Let's see, going by your twisted Facebook mentality, sex with your spouse would be out of the question so I guess you take turns in the bedroom calling 1-900 numbers for satisfaction!

*****UPDATE****** As I'm typing this some shithead just typed, (I won't use the real name) "---- ----- is another day older today. Doesn't feel any different. LOL" A PERFECT example of yet another desperate plea for somebody, somewhere, somehow please pay attention to ME!!!!!!!! Absolute worthless LOSER!!!

And there's these yuppy idiots who type "Jeanie has an extremely hectic day today and is not sure how she's going to get it all done!!" Well now Jeanie .. apparently your day is not TOO TERRIBLY FULL since you've taken the time to write a totally useless note on Facebook. It would seem that Jeanie just want's what every Facebook dip shit wants ... someone to pay attention to her. Hey Jeanie, why don't you post your address so I can mail you my gun and you can put yourself out of misery since you apparently don't have a life to begin with!!

Also the idiots who thinks it a great idea to tell us when they wake up, and when the go to bed! What the fuck does anyone care if you slept in today???? GOOD FOR YOU ... You need a God Damn cookie you attention whore?? These people even post that they took a mid-day nap! I think some rat poison in your drink will solve the problem and hopefully cause a permanent nap!!

And you religious nuts out there. "Say a prayer for ME." "Say a prayer for ME TOO!!" Constantly asking for people to pray for you ... what a sorry lot of human dung you people are. "I'm going to take a shit .. keep Me in your prayers!" Like GOD is really interested that you sell you house quick, or that you get home safe after drinking all night. Not to mention prayer works about as well as 'wishing it were so'!!! So you can have 1000 people respond to your little 'look at Me' plea on Facebook, your odds are still gonna be the same shit luck as if NO ONE prayed for you. GIVE IT UP dumb asses!!!

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Well I can see that this topic can go on and on as I keep thinking of new crap that is so pathetic about Facebook. I may indeed have to make a 'Facebook Part Two' one day. In closing I would like to say that about 5% of Me would like to thank all you Facebook idiots out there ... you help fulfill my hobby of studying human stupidity, but the other 95% of Me would give it all up in a heartbeat to wipe out something as stupid and pathetic as Facebook from existence. And for the inventor of Facebook, may you be tortured until the end of time after you die for doing a huge part in increasing the stupidity of the human race. Amen!