Cyborgs

Here's a whole group of people that I wouldn't mind jumping off a cliff to an untimely death.

These morons who walk around with a blue-tooth earpiece in their ear appearing to talk to themselves. You people are some of the most retarded people I've seen.

What exactly is the goal here? To free up your hands so it's not so difficult to grab a gallon of milk in the grocery store? So you can jerk off with both hands while you call 1-900 numbers?

You people look like a bunch of morons!!!!!! Walking around talking to yourself. Do you really think your that important? And then, when your NOT talking on the phone, you look like you have an over sized hearing aid in your ear. Not to mention it's rude! Walking around looking like your talking to people, but actually your just chatting with your spouse deciding if they wanted regular Pepsi or diet Pepsi ... yeah, that's important. Thank God you bought a $50.00 headset for that!!! And then when your at the check out, the poor clerk doesn't have a clue if your talking to her, or your electronic gizmo in your pants, and your stupid enough to attempt to have a conversation with BOTH OF THEM!!!!!!!

I used to think that if a lone person came up to Me talking, He might be directing his voice at Me. But now I don't know what the hell to think. I guess I'm forced to once again tune out more people in My life. You people should have to wear a big red light on your head that flashes every time your phone is on, then the rest of us would know that your walking around in la-la land chatting with someone.

And what about the brain tumors!!!!!! They linked cell phone usage with brain tumors now!! Just how in the hell are you going to get a brain tumor if the damn phone isn't even up to your ear anymore?? I was counting on this to be the 'blessing in disguise', but now that's shot to hell too. Oh well, I guess testicle cancer will be just fine too.

So soon we'll just have a whole world of people walking around appearing to be talking to themselves, while ignoring everybody that's right next to them. Yeah ...... that's normal.

Which reminds Me to start building that 10 foot wall around the perimeter of the 'State of Les' real soon.

Work quiz

The other day at work I did another little experiment. We all had to take some stupid test on the computer about proper lifting procedures and crap. But on one of the screens there was a picture of the human spine, including the tailbone. So I asked My manager if she knew why we have a tailbone, and she didn't have a clue. I told her it's what's leftover from the days when we had a tail. She gave Me the strangest look. Then I asked her if she believed in evolution or that we came from Adam and Eve, and she said she had no idea.

So this kicked off My project for the night. To ask everyone about this picture on the computer screen, and get their answers on why we have a tailbone, if we evolved from apes or if they think we came from the biblical story.

The correct answer is the tailbone is what's left from the days when we had an actual tail. Our tailbone serves NO practical purpose at all, in fact it's kind of a pain in the ass (pun intended). It's just a useless vestigial organ that our DNA has basically turn off the switch for 'making a tail'. And YES .. there is a mountain of evidence supporting this claim!! Let's just say that around 97% of all the scientist in the world agree!

So as the night progressed I ended up asking everyone the same questions, and was amazed at the results.

- 1 person out of 8 got the answer right. Her answer was "Because we used to have a tail???" Her tone was very uncertain and she gave the answer in sort of a questioning form. But I gave her credit for it so at least one person got it right.

- Do you believe in evolution. Again, 1 out of 8 people said they did. 4 said they didn't have a clue, and the other 3 said we came from Adam and Eve.

And one person actually threatened Me!! She was highly pissed that I dare say that she came from a monkey!!!! Her exact words were, "Don't you dare say that I came from some fucking monkey! I ain't no fucking monkey!! And I didn't come from no fucking caveman either! I came from Adam and Eve, and people can fuck off if you they think otherwise!!!!" WOW ..... such nice christian language I thought. Needless to say I had to back-pedal a bit and assure Her that she was right and that most Americans think the same way so she was in good company!

But in reality, this whole test was a little scary for Me. I've seen the statistics on the internet, but it's much more frightening to see it in real life. To know that most Americans don't have a clue about evolution but I bet they can tell you who's sleeping with Brad Pitt! I mean a few of these people are in college!!! I would have hoped that at least college would be teaching the scientific facts! It was either the fact that they had NO idea about it, or the violence that came with it that really made Me see how people can be stuck in a rut about bigger ideas in life. Our lack of knowledge is really scary, and YES .. this was Me a few years ago too, I'm no better!

The next thing I'd like to do is ask everyone about the "Noah's Ark" story, and if they believe it's true or not. This should prove to be incredibly difficult since most of the people at work are onto Me and know that I'm not asking this stuff out of just everyday conversation. Might I say that My 'study group' has reach it's breaking point. Might be time to get a new job!!

So from My little miniature study on people, it's sad to say that the next generation is probably not going to be any better than what we have today. And the decline of America seems to be inevitable. So I guess the rest of the world will continue to kick our ass when it come to forging ahead with science and knowledge, meanwhile our country will believe that we all came from MAGIC, and in a few years Sarah Palin will lead us all to Armageddon.

Yeah ...... the future looks bleak.

N.M.D.

N.M.D. - National Masturbation Day

This is an idea that I would love to have 'cum' over the globe in the near future.

Think about it! One of the biggest problems in the world today stems from 'penis entering vagina' syndrome! This could be easily alleviated by a simple 'flick of the wrist' (so to speak). We need to get together and take a STAND, UNITE, ... and let our voices be heard !!! And tell the world that it's OK TO CHOKE YOUR CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!

Not to mention it would be another day off of work!! A national holiday .. hell, a global holiday!!! One day a year we could guarantee that all the people of the world would be home 'double clicking their mouse' or 'spanking the one eyed wonder worm'. Yes one day a year it would be nice to know that your mailman, your peace officers, your Walmart clerk ... everybody is at home 'beating the bishop'. And at work from now on, we would no longer have 'smoke breaks', but instead we would have 'jerk breaks'. Think of the increase in production if all the stress and tension disappears!!!!!!

This concept could end all the stress in the world. It could end all the WARS in the world!!! I mean think about it. If everyone jerked off on the same day, what would they be like the NEXT day at work?? No stress, no hormone buildup, no semen backup!! Everyone would just be relaxed and peaceful and happy. Even the Islamic extremists would be so happy to finally have 30 years of backed up baby batter pressure off their minds, they wouldn't feel like strapping bomb to themselves and blowing up a small village.

Did you know that in the middle east they actually force women to cut off their clitoris to keep them from getting sexual aroused? And the men just let the pressure build up until they eventually fly planes into skyscrapers!! ALL IN THE NAME OF GOD!!!! What the fuck kind of solution is this?? Who the hell put these boneheads in charge??? Jesus H. Christ !!! Take 5 minutes in a restroom stall and 'clean the pipes' ....... you'll get the same results and be a lot happier!!!

And another thing, for at least one day of the year nine months later, we will drastically cut down the number of BIRTHS there are in the world!!! Yeah, it ain't much of a dent, but it's a start!! If N.M.D. goes over well, we could increase it to 2 times a year, then once a month, then once a week!!! Hell if all goes well, the whole world could eventually masturbate as much as I do!!! (OK, that might have been a bit too much information, but you get the idea).

This could help boost the economy also as the sales of Kleenex, Charmin, and Bounty would certainly be on the rise. Not to mention I'm sure we'd see an increase in the sales of lotion and hand cream too.

If masturbation was a part of our morning ritual (like brushing our teeth), then one day 2 kids wouldn't want to fight each other at school, and a serial rapist wouldn't have the urge to stalk some chic and kill her one night, then our democrats wouldn't feel like fighting the republicans, then the Crypts wouldn't feel like murdering the Bloods, then North Korea wouldn't feel like fighting South Korea, then India wouldn't feel like nuking Pakistan!!!! I HAVE A DREAM!!!!!!!!

So lets all start a march to the very doorsteps of Washington and break down the White House door and tell President Obama that we need a National Masturbation Day written into our constitution!! It's just a damn good idea!

500

Believe it or not, I am approaching 500 blogs ! Holy shit! Who'da thunk it?

I think I have My own bible now. Hell the bible only has 66 books in it, mine has 500 (and makes a lot more sense!).

So 500 blogs written over the period of around 1 1/2 years (including some time off). And with that comes maybe 5 die-hard fans, possibly 5 more random viewers that pop in every now and then, and the occasional random hits I get on a 'google search'. Yeah .. not real impressive. I've had over 1000 different people out there come to My sight, with way under 1% ever coming back again. I'd say it's safe to say that My commentary on life is not widely accepted among the masses. And yet some dumb ass out there writes that her kid just took a shit, or that her baby just had her first tooth, or that she's sewing a quilt ..... and she gets 100 hits a day!!! Yeah, needless to say I REALLY don't understand people in the world today.

What would cause a man to continue on such a obvious failed attempt at becoming a internet superstar??? Well, perhaps that I never wanted to become a internet superstar. I have bumped into and worked with many people since I've started writing this demented garbage, and I didn't tell a single person about it. Perhaps it's because that My biggest fan is ME! I enjoy flipping back through stuff I wrote and re-learning about stuff that I can't remember. And I have a great ability for not remembering shit like I used to, so it kinda comes in handy.

So anyway, now that spring is near and it's time to 'get a life' and come out of hibernation and start spending mass quantities of time outside, I'll probably take a break again. But winter is just a short time away again and I'll probably return to bitching about human stupidity again when the snow starts falling again.

In the meantime, I do have another outlet I'd like to pursue. I'm going to be heading over to 'You Tube' for the summer months. I have some ideas on filming some human stupidity in action that should prove to be entertaining. And I have an idea for a segment I think I'm going to call "What's Left?". I don't want to go into any great detail, but lets just say it involves a video camera, a high powered propane flame, and some random everyday objects that are just taking up space. And again, I won't be doing this to get 1000 hits a day. I'm doing it for the hell of it! I'm doing it because it's fun! I'm doing it because it's interesting! I'm doing it because the 'typical' lifestyle just doesn't appeal to Me, and I get bored very easily with the thought of waking up, showering, shitting, going to work for a huge chunk of My life, coming home, sleeping and REPEAT!! And I'm doing it because I'm retarded. It doesn't matter ... I'm doing it!!

**NOTE** - you may already be aware of some Youtube activities by now. If not, here is the link : http://www.youtube.com/user/coopersnoop
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So now that I'm coming up on 500 blogs, I feel I should put this all in print and sell it at Barnes & Noble or something. Maybe it could be the gift of the year 2010! At the very least, I should edit My blogs down and create a book called "101 reasons that people are fucking stupid!!" How about I kick Ann Landers off and take over? I think I'd make a good daily advice column .. don't you?

Facebook Analogy Part 8

Stupid postings ... smart ass replies.

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Yes, its been 9 years. Some good days. Some bad. Still my favorite place in the world is cuddled up with him.

Ahhhwwww ... how SWEET IS THAT?? Next time it's his birthday, why don't you make a wish and blow him?!? And I'm guessing NOBODY remembered your anniversary either since you had to post it on Facebook just to get some attention!

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God has sent many blessing my way today, I'm not sure I could explain it better than that! =0)

This is just wrong on so many levels. This lady wants to give thanks to God for all the stuff that SHE'S ACCOMPLISHED in her life lately!!! Why don't you give YOURSELF some credit for all the college you've taken, and the pursuing of the job you wanted? It's just to damn bad that college didn't teach you the difference between mythology and reality!

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•.¸¸¸.•*¨*•Put ? this ? on ? your ? status ? if ? you ? have ? the ? most ? beautiful ? DAUGHTER ? in the ? world•*¨*•.¸¸¸.•*¨*••*¨*Love you ------

Ahhhhh shit!!!!! You beat Me to it!! And YOU have the most beautiful daughter in the world now!!! God Dammit!! Mine is just an ugly sack of shit now!! My daughter will certainly become a crack whore and pregnant doing interviews on the Maury Povich show! Why don't I just kill Myself and My daughter and get it over with??

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Today is the International Day for the Fight Against Cancer... In memory of those who lost the battle against cancer, and those who continue fighting. I pray for a cure. 92% of you won't copy & paste this text to their Facebook profile status, will you? I DID, for those I care for. Proud to be part of the 8%!

And just what contributions are you and the other 8% of the think-tank doing to help out with cancer anyway? Is it the fact that your praying about it? Or wishing it wasn't so? (which is about the same as praying by the way). If cancer is so bad, why did YOUR GOD invent it?? Seems kinda fucked up to Me!! So go ahead .. be the PROUD 8% that did NOTHING to improve the odds to cure cancer ... I'll stick with the other 92% who actually believe that physical work is needed to cure a disease. You should be EMBARRASSED to be in the 8% category.

And by the way .. cancer has been around for like 4000 years ... I think we can rule out PRAYER as an option that DOESN'T WORK!!! Dumb bitch!!

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------- has requested that I take them ice skating today. I took ----- ice skating once about four years ago. Other than that, I have not skated in about 20-25 years. We will be going to the little outdoor rink in the middle of town.....thank goodness it's a *small* town! ;-) (I wonder if I should strap a pillow to my backside?)

As long as you DON'T wear any head protection, I really don't see any harm that can become of it. Enjoy .. and play hard!!

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is very frustrated right now ergh........

*WARNING* - lame attempt to get people to pay attention to this persons pathetic needs.

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----- is proud. ------ is representing her class today at the county spelling bee. Good luck!

Wow .. a student who can spell, that's really shocking news. Why don't you just be happy that your kid was born with 10 fingers and 10 toes and spare the rest of us all the bragging about stupid shit!?!

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Is spendind time with ----- mom, dad and grandma! What a great night! God is so good! Thank you God for the blessings

Seriously!??!! Is there ANYTHING that you DON'T give God PRAISE FOR??? Thanking God for spending time with someone ... like that wasn't YOUR choice to do that or anything. You had a good time with relatives and your only response is "God is so good!" What a fucking delusionoid you are! Do you do this at home when a nice healthy 12 inch turd slides quietly into the bowl without splashing? "AHHHHHHHHHHH .... GOD IS SOOOOOOO GOOD!!!" We need to find all the people like you and have a public hanging in the town square one day!!

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Until the whole world hears.. Lord we are crying out!

Believe Me ... it's been like 2000 years now and millions and millions of people dead in "HIS" name. I think it's safe to say the world has heard of Him by now. Why don't you try something new and KEEP HIM TO YOUR FUCKING SELF???

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kinda just lounging around the house today. hoping my contacts show up so i don't have to where my glasses to work again

And once again ... I'm just speechless.

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What is the measure of a man? Is it his strength, or is it a thought that others feel a man must be. Is sexuality that much of a focus in life? The past is just that. We all dwell in it at times, but the present and future still are to come. Is BI-Sexuality that bad that one must be a pushed down for it.

Here's a guy who's married and is constantly writing shit like this. Why don't you just admit it ... YOUR FUCKING GAY!!!!!!! Admit that you got married to try to lead a 'normal' life while hiding your homosexuality. My advice to you : Get a divorce, let your ex-wife continue on her way to try and regain what sense of pride she has left, meanwhile your free to go out and suck dick without guilt. It's a win-win situation you stupid fudge packer!

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Lost in thought, it is answers that are sought. How lost one can become. Fighting to find the light. Only to be trapped by darkness. Friends who seem true, now glow from their own radiation. Trusting only in ones self. The games others play. Only to be forced to play yourself. Where is the sanctity in life.

More stupid posting by 'gay boy'. I mean come on ... wake up to reality!! Your a married man who types poetry about how tough it is to be gay in the world. READ THE CLUES Sherlock Holmes. I say the sooner you have a big penis stuck up your ass, the happier you'll be.

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Well that's enough for this time. And it also brings to a close the 'Facebook Analogy' series. After watching what everyone types for a couple weeks, and then commenting on it ..it didn't take long to see a pattern that just about everything that gets typed out on Facebook is pretty much a repeat after a very short time. Hence, it is useless to continue this venture .. kinda like Facebook itself. Hope you enjoyed it, it was an interesting experiment for Me.

All 8 of the FaceBook Analogies will soon be available on DVD by late spring 2010 for only $29.99 plus S+H. Send your checks in today to make sure you get a copy!!

EARTHQUAKE

The 'State Of Les' is the third nation, along with Haiti and Chili to get slammed by a devastating earthquake in 2010. Could this be the beginning of the end for us all ?????????????

CLICK HERE for amazing video footage!!!!!

John 3:16

Get it ?? Today is March 16th, or 3/16. What a perfect day to talk about a famous bible verse.

So what exactly does John 3:16 say? It says :

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
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Hmmmmmmm. I don't see what is so special about this verse, it seems just as stupid as any other bible verse if you ask Me.

-God so loved the world. - I doubt that, all evidence points to the fact that God hates the world. He's pissed off, jealous, and angry that we always fuck up (but He invented us). Doesn't it seem odd that an all powerful being has such petty human emotions as jealousy, and anger??

-He gave His only begotten Son - Well now, I never asked you to give up your son. Nor did I say that He had to be an only child! I mean - your God ... why didn't you just magically impregnate 100 women instead of just one?

- And you really didn't give up your Son .. because your son is YOU! And since you know everything, then you already knew that after 3 days you would rise again and go right back to heaven where you came from in the first place. What kind of sacrifice is that?

- Shall not perish, but have everlasting life - BULLSHIT! Everybody perishes. Anyone and everyone who has ever lived has perished. And what's this everlasting life stuff? Do you have any proof that there is everlasting life? NO! That's the beauty of religion ... all the magic happens AFTER YOU DIE!!! Wow .... what a concept! No way anyone can ever prove you wrong!

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I'd like to propose My own bible verse that makes about as much sense.

For Les so loved the world, that He sent a spaghetti monster to watch over you during your time on earth, and that all who believe in the pasta fairy shall never die, but live eternally forever in the big meatball in the sky.

Notice any similarities??? Yeah ... you can't prove ME wrong either. Enough said.

Genesis 1:16

And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

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Now I know I've talked about this already, but it really bugs Me. How do Christians read this and not say "Wait a minute .. this don't make sense? This is something man would write back in the day when they didn't know any better!"

- God made 2 great lights - WRONG

- the lesser light to rule the night - WRONG

- he made the stars also - AS IF THE STARS ARE ANY DIFFERENT THAN THE GREATER LIGHT! They are all suns !!!!!!! How could God be so stupid? Oh yeah, it wasn't God .. it was man who just didn't know any better. Silly Me.

-And people would say "It was written by man, not inspired by God, so of course they are going to make some mistakes" To which I would reply, "Then what the hell are we doing looking for the divine answers in it for????????"

ConfusLes

ConfusLes think it odd that He reads the bible more as an agnostic, than He did when He was a Christian.

Facebook Analogy Part 7

More stupid posting. More intelligent replies. Enjoy!

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Can't believe my boy is 18 today!!!

Well I'm guessing yesterday He was 17 years, 364 days old. What exactly did you expect to happen today OTHER than the fact that he'd turn 18. *WARNING* - this phenomenon will happen again in exactly one more year .. be prepared.

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Awww you all are awesome! Thank you for all the wonderful birthday wishes:) I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends

Seriously? Facebook alerts people to when somebody's birthday is, and that somehow translates in your brain that you should be thankful you have such wonderful friends??? This is like programming your coffee maker to make coffee at 5:30AM so when you wake up there is a nice, hot pot of java ready for you ...... and then being so thankful that your coffee maker is such a wonderful thing to actually remember you each and every morning. A coffee maker with feelings and emotions!!!!! How can that be?????

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Joy and Sadness, all in the same day.

*WARNING* - Attention alert! The ONLY reason this person posted this is because of the lame attempt to get people to ask what's wrong. Go swallow some DranO!

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A bit tired..think it's almost bed time


Yup ... those two things tend to go hand in hand oddly enough.

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my son is on the phone with a girl who called him...isn't he too young for all this?

Well now .. it could be worse! At least he's actually TALKING to another human being, unlike some idiotic parents who spend their day TYPING to a bunch of fake cyber friends on Facebook. All in all, I'd say without your parental supervision, he MIGHT have a chance of leading a productive, healthy life!!

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Is teaching her little boy to tie his shoes.

YOU MUST BE SOOOOOOOO PROUD!!! Statistically speaking .. only 1 in 25,310 parents actually teach their kids to tie their own shoes! It's NO WONDER you took the time to type it out on Facebook for the rest of the world to 'OOOH and AAAH' over!

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I went to WalMart, children in tow, at 5:30 today. I need my head examined. Thankfully, -------- gave me something to smile about. On the way in, she was telling me about the "glow-in-the-dark" fish they have. She said, "They glow because God put lights in them...you know, how He said, 'Let there be light'? And they lit up!" :)

Yeah .. it's cute when they're 5 years old, but it's damn scary when they still believe bullshit stories when they become adults because the parents were too stupid to teach them the truth eventually. Which explains why you felt the urge to go to Walmart and type about it on Facebook in the first place. It also explains why when MY children say we should pray about something, I tell them "Every time you pray to Jesus, God kills a baby puppy."

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Just wondering if anyone else has days were-----MMMM I WONDER WHY GOD PUT ME ON THE EARTH CAUSE I REALLY FEEL LIKE IM A BIG SCREW UP AND IM NO GOOD FOR NOTHING!!!! Anyone else feel like this somedays?

That's the whole point of religion, to make you feel like a pathetic, worthless, sinner who isn't worthy of the life that God created for you. And without lots and lots of money and a incredibly guilty conscience, you never will be worthy either!!! *NOTE* - If you toss in your son to a pack of priests now and then, I guess it's suppose to help. Or was it sacrificing some goats blood on an altar .. hmmmm I can't remember which.

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Why am I so sad? Why am I so upset? I should put my hope in God and keep praising him, my Savior and my God. ~Psalm 42:5 NCV

Now here's the same lady who wrote that last post, only one hour later or so. Yeah ....... looks like you found the answer all right. You felt like shit that you weren't good enough for God ... so you turned to God to feel better. Yeah, makes PERFECT sense now!

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Hate job stress. Hate. It.

ME TOO!!! That's why I gave it up! I found that not only was job stress stupid, but so was the entire JOB!! The whole concept of working and growing with a company and climbing the corporate ladder is total bullshit invented by 'the man' to keep you from enjoying your life. But what the hell am I wasting My time writing this for .. no one ever believes Me.

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not good, not good, not good. I have a little one with a fever and wheezing and I'm supposed to go away this weekend. Here's hoping she can fight this thing off.

Yeah .. I BET you hope she can fight this thing off. Wouldn't want to interrupt your plans and actually force you to be A PARENT! My guess is this girl could get pneumonia and you'd still find a way to leave for the weekend without caring for her anyway. Typical parent.

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Why is it when you are expecting money, something comes up and it ends up getting spent before you even have it? Tax refund due tomorrow - plumber needed called today. Sigh......

Because your a 'typical' American who doesn't have a dime in this thing called a savings account. I'm certain you live paycheck to paycheck, and when you make a major purchase, all your concerned about is 'how low are the monthly payments?' Not to mention you probably paid $100 or MORE to get a 'Rapid Refund' on the money THAT WAS YOURS TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!! It's people like you that have sunk this country into the financial collapse in the first place (but it's all in God's hands so it's OK). Stupid people like yourselves have to exist for greedy bankers to prey on. And if you think your little plumbing bill is a problem, try managing the fact that every single person in the United States owes over $35,000.00 to the deficit. That includes you, your spouse, AND your 5 kids (which you can't afford to begin with). Way to go, proud Christian parent!

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OK .. gotta quit, that last posting got the blood boiling. See ya soon!

Who would YOU rather ??

I'm a Mary Ann person Myself. But a Ginger-Mary Ann lez-fest is not something I'd rule out.

Those people that vote Mrs. Howell need not bother commenting.

Tip of the day.

Here's a little tip for you to stop becoming dumber by the day.

You know when your typing something and you spell it wrong, then the computer underlines it to let you know that you have a misspelled word? Well .... the common thing to do is 'right click' the mouse and highlight the correct spelling and continue on.

What the hell good does that do? NOTHING! It just makes you dumber! Next time, don't 'right click' the word, use your 'backspace' key and try again! And keep trying until you get it right! You might actually learn how to spell words this way. Interesting concept.

Facebook Analogy Part 6

Episode number 6 of the absurd stupidity of Facebook ... and the millions who support it. Enjoy.


---- was impressed by the opening ceremonies. Still not a Sarah Mclachlan fan.....never will be, I guess. Loved the rest of it, though! :)

(response) I've always considered k.d. lang's style to be a little weird....but, I LOVE her voice. She's got some power in those folds! It was good to hear her tonight!

(response) And, I found it rather funny to see the fake snow falling on the opening ceremonies while I looked outside and saw the REAL snow falling outside my window! LOL....my own personal snow globe. :)

Here's what you may not know about. The two responses are from the same person who wrote the first post. That's right ..... SHE'S TYPING TO HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW do you believe Me that people are getting dumber by the day???

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Going to hang up laundy, take a shower then head to walmart to get hangers & some other things


I'm speechless other than the fact that I'd bet good money you'd be the perfect candidate for the "People of Walmart" sight.

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--- is wishing my Grandpa a Happy Birthday today! 92 and still going strong! He's an inspiration to us all. :) At the same time, I'm remembering the family of my friend, ---- -----, who died a year ago today. Please hold them in your prayers on this difficult day.

Now assuming I believed in prayer .. just what in the fuck do you want Me to pray about?? The guy is already dead! Do you want Me to pray that he comes back to life for his family?? Am I supposed to believe that this 'total stranger to Me' should have the same magical resurrection as Jesus Christ??? Why the fuck do you think after 2000 years, HE should be the lucky one????

Or maybe I'm supposed to pray for the family of the lost one. And just what the fuck am I supposed to pray about then??? That they remember the day?? That they forget the day?? That there is BINGO every night starting at 6:30?

And your grandpa who's 92 is NOT an inspiration to ME!!!!! I'VE NEVER EVEN MET THE FUCKER!!!!!! He's probably just another asshole who insists on being out in public everyday taking 10 times as long to do whatever it is the rest of us do at regular speed! I got a better idea .. why don't you keep YOUR family shit to the little circle called YOUR FAMILY!!!??!! Dumb hairy slit!

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It's time to book a trip to Vegas.....hehehehehe.....work is just too demanding lately.....gotta get the heck outta Dodge! ;)

What you don't know is that MOST of this person's 'Facebooking' is done AT WORK ... WHILE WORKING!!!!!!! Yeah .. typical American lazy tit. Goes to work, visits, plays on the computer, drinks coffee, gets paid for it, and then has the nerve to complain that the job is stressful. Did I mention we are becoming the embarrassment of the world?

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--- is wishing ---- a wonderful birthday today. Love you soooooo much!

Awwww ... how sweet! GO FUCK YOURSELF!

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Honestly......are EVERYONE'S children as strange and wild as mine are????? Or am I just the lucky one? ;-) (Spring cannot come soon enough to this house, methinks!)

Nope .. your children are the STRANGEST ones in the entire world! You know why? Because their mommy types down every single thing she's ever done in a given day on Facebook, and it's in their genes to one day become as retarded as their parents.

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--- is getting ready to go the the Valentine Dinner at church. The men do the cooking, serving, and entertainment.....and they EVEN clean up afterward! It's become a pretty popular event for the congregation. :)

You know what else has become popular at church's these days? Raping altar boys. Way to celebrate your love in a pedophile institution that teaches 'Fairy Tales' are REAL!! .. how sweet ;)

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Right now Mike is playing a quiet game of Guess who with Xander and Zaan is playing with Abby. Jacob just got fed and Allison is sleeping:)

RIGHT NOW there are A LOT of things going on this world .... and what your kids are currently doing just didn't make the "I Give A Shit" list!! Way to name your kids by the way .. Xander and Zaan! Are they going to be aliens in space when they grow up or something? I'm sure they'll get the shit beat out of them in school a few times for their goofy names that you insisted on giving them. AND FIVE KIDS ... WHOA!!! Way to go on that venture!!! The sixth one must not be on the way yet because I'm sure you would have mentioned what 'it' was doing also!

Oh .. and for the record. I just farted and it smells like RiceARoni, the wife is bleeding from Her pussy, My youngest one is watching Sponge Bob, My oldest one is discovering the art of masturbating, and the dog is currently licking his dick. Still feel like sharing ????

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So dont you hate it when your man thinks that valentines day is just another day?

Yeah .. I hate that shit! Especially when you consider Valentines Day is a bunch of made up bullshit about SAINT VALENTINE. Uhmmmmmm .. how many saints do you know in YOUR life?? That's right .. NONE ... because there is no such thing as SAINTS you stupid sack of hair!!!
And the idea of Valentines Day that we know it is just ANOTHER ploy to get YOUR money to provide the false idea that it proves your love for a significant other! That's right ... it's a holiday .. for RETAILERS!!! Just like every other fucking holiday. Why don't you smarten up (like your man did), and show your true love by having hot, passionate sex until you can't walk anymore and have to call in sick the next day. Just don't have a 'love child' because of it ..that's all I ask.

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Either cupid hit me in the head with that stinkin arrow & gave me a headache, or I need him to so it'll relieve some pressure. Ow.

Yeah .. it could possibly be one of those two things, or maybe something else. Could it be the breakdown of the DNA double helix linkage in your body from lack of use? Maybe it's the genes in your brain committing suicide because they don't feel needed anymore. Maybe your the beginning of a frightening trend ... 'backward evolution' .. where the human starts to go back to a form of ape-like creature because it didn't use it's current human form to anything near full capacity!!! I'd say any of these would be a greater possibility than a magic fairy shooting love darts at your head.

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Well better stop now .. I'm starting to get depressed that I'm one of the human race. See ya next time!

WHAT A DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

*Warning* - long posting .. but well worth it!



Ohhhhhhh some days I'm just happy to be alive! I lead a pretty quiet, uneventful life so I'm pretty easily amused.

Today 3 Jehovah's Witnesses came to My country door. First of all, I think you gotta be pretty desperate to go out to the country where there's only a house every 5 miles. I mean how are you going to meet your Jesus quota that way????

So they tell Me they're here to talk to Me about God, and hand Me a couple of brochures, one of them is about 'What does God think of alcohol?" to which I replied, "Didn't Jesus turn the water into wine? Oh yeah, and weren't some of his disciples so drunk they passed out butt naked?"

And the reply was "Yes, people have messed up this world something terrible."

And My response "Didn't God create people?? Isn't God perfect? Why would God create something that didn't work just so He could punish it? Is God that sadistic? If I built a car that blew up every 3 feet, wouldn't I just start over with a NEW car instead of just blaming the old car (that I created) as being a piece of crap?"

*** at this point the poor ladies knew this wasn't going to be the 'average' house call.

Then they pointed out that all the earthquakes and hurricanes are God's way of saying that the end times are near.

I simply said, "All the earthquakes and stuff are the cause of 'climate change' that's probably caused by HUMANS and it's the earth's way of saying "KNOCK IT OFF!!" I also pointed out that driving around in the country telling old folk tales is not helping their 'carbon footprint' either! And why is this end times the right one? What happened to 1988, what happened to 2000? Are you now selling 2012 as the magic time??" I also pointed out that the odd weather that we are seeing ain't NOTHING .... just wait another 10 or 20 years and watch the fun! Oh yeah, I also pointed out that IF God creates these earthquakes, it was sure nice of Him to slaughter 200,000 innocent people in Haiti. Nice guy!!!

Then I felt obligated to point out that their Bible says the earth is around 6000 years old even though every single branch of science has unanimously agreed that the earth is around 4.5 billion years old and is whizzing through the universe which is around 14.4 billion years old.

They said "God created MAN around 6000 years old, not the earth and stars and stuff."

My response "BULLSHIT ...... In the beginning there was a endless VOID, and God created the earth, and the stars, and the planets, and the trees, and the waters, and , and , and. Then He was exhausted so He took a nap on the 7th day."

And they tried to say "It doesn't really say how long man has been around in the Bible."

And I responded "BULLSHIT ..... it's one of many fatal errors in the bible. They put a genealogy chart that can be traced back to the days of Adam and Eve, and that same time God made them, He created everything else too!! Nice try!!"

** At this point I started to realize that they didn't have much of a leg to stand on with their questions, so I decided to turn the tables around and throw out a few questions of My own.

So I asked THEM - "How come God never answers prayers? How come Christian people who get married have a higher divorce rate than non-Christians? How come there is NO evidence of a world wide flood? Wouldn't it be safe to say that if you were in Pakistan right now doing the same thing you'd be handing out brochures of how Mohammad is the son of Allah? Why are there unicorns mentioned in the Bible? How come the Bible says the earth is the center of all the universe and everything spins around us, when it clearly doesn't? Do you really believe that Noah lived to be 950 years old, and at around 500 years old He took on the task of building a 450 foot ark made up of gopher wood? Isn't it odd that God's 7th commandment is 'thou shalt not kill' and yet God himself commanded the death of millions of people?"

Oh yeah .. needless to say, I don't think these poor Jehovah witnesses were quite up to the task of dealing with a prick like Me! If it wasn't the middle of winter, I would have taken them on the tour of "Noah's Ark" that I measured out on My property. I think I could have spent a few hours with these ladies ... hell, I might have even convinced them to become agnostic!

And as we parted ways they asked if they could come back some day and discuss God with Me again (must be part of the contract to get to Heaven). To which I kindly said "NO". I pointed out that I would enjoy them coming to My door spouting religion to Me just as much as they would like it if a bunch of naked men had a gay orgy on their front doorstep. I wished them luck, and told them you don't need religion to be a good person, it's OK to just go out in the world and be good person all on your own!

And My last words to them were the best sound advice I thought I could give, and that is "I don't know all the answers .. but YOU DON'T EITHER! And that's OK! Take care and good luck."

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So all in all, that was a hell-of-a-lot of fun. I'm kinda disappointed I didn't tell them to come back. But I guess if I ever want to get into a heated debate about religion with someone, I shouldn't have to go very far to make that happen.

Dick of the day.

A 52-year-old Louisiana woman has pleaded guilty to two counts of sale of a minor for trading two children to a couple in exchange for an exotic pet bird and $175.

The Evangeline Parish Clerk of Court's Office tells The Advocate newspaper that Greenwell will begin serving her sentence March 25.

Greenwell was accused of selling the couple a 4-year-old girl and 5-year-old boy in return for the cash and a cockatoo. Both children were in Greenwell's care after their biological parents had left them with her.

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Moral of the story. Put your trust and faith in the church.

Facebook Analogy Part 5

Time for another installment of Facebook Analogy .. aren't you lucky?!?

I'm still protecting the retarded who write this stuff, but not sure why. Enjoy.


--- is helping ------- make her Valentine box for her party tomorrow. This is always such a creative endeavor! :)

Yeah .. that's good to know. Might I add that if you wouldn't have opened YOUR Valentine BOX a few years ago .. it's possible we wouldn't be reading this stupid shit in the first place!!

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--- just realized she has crumbs and various assorted sticky things on her shirt. But.....I'm a mom.....I have an excuse! I think.

Speaking of sticky things on your shirt ... it's really a damn shame that your dad didn't squirt some sticking stuff on your moms shirt that fateful night when you were conceived!!!

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---- is 1 week old today!

Wow .. that's awesome!! I would have NEVER guessed that the baby you kept ranting about in your belly for the last 2 months would actually be a week old EXACTLY 1 WEEK after it was born!!!! What are the fucking odds of that??? Now in 7 more days if she's two weeks old, I'm just gonna start shitin' bricks .. PLEASE keep us posted!

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--- is going to bed.....night everyone!!! going to rapid city for the weekend cant wait!!!!

It's a 'double whammy' stupidity post!!! Not only did you post the fact that your going to bed (congratulations by the way), but also you threw in a 'little hint' that you want everyone to comment about how lucky you are to be going on a trip because nobody would care otherwise!!

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--- is surrounded by people receiving good news. :-) Is it my turn now?

What you don't know is that this dumb, spoiled bitch has been trying to sell her other house for 2 years now. And every time (except this one) she has a 'showing', she asks everyone on the internet to pray for her. I'd say she's had a good 30 prayer requests for her now ... one would think you'd find the link between praying .. and prayer NOT working. Hmmmm

Not to mention she's the typical yuppy bitch I've come to HATE. She is constantly living a lifestyle that many of us would dream about. Trip after trip, Florida, Hawaii, Niagara Falls .. entertainment, fine wine, fine dining, concerts ... you name it ... she's doing it, and pretty much on a daily basis. Then she has the balls to complain how hard it is making two house payments. I like to think that if she died a horrific death tomorrow, I would celebrate just a little bit. Is that wrong?

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*sigh* repeat of last weekend just different teams Friday ~ OT appointment and hockey game Saturday ~ basketball game and hockey game Sunday ~ hockey game *sigh*

This is what I like to refer to as 'self inflicted' stupidity. The stress that people create all on their own and then bitch about it. I'm sure she also thinks that God magically impregnated her with her kids because God has the master plan for her life. Yeah .. it wasn't the fact that a sperm driven penis dove into a swollen hot vagina and spewed out a wad of love snot without protection. YOU CREATED IT ...... YOU DEAL WITH IT!!!! By the way .. no one put a gun to your head and said your kids HAD to be in hockey and/or basketball!!! Shit brick!

*note to self* - "Sperm driven penis" ... it's got a nice 'ring' to it. Could be a sequel to A Purpose Driven Life??

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I hope I look good Bald, cause I'm going to pull my freaking hair out.

Very similar to the desperate "Tomorrow is my birthday" plea. Just typing a 'teaser' post in the desperation that other people will be forced to ask you what's wrong. Hey .. next time you feel like pulling your hair out and typing it on Facebook, just grab a scissors and plunge it into your throat. This stops the hair from growing.

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I didn't see it coming, so I didn't duck. I wish I could have seen it coming so it would miss me, but I didn't, now I have it. I have a miserable cold.

Ahhhh tricky tricky tricky!! You may not have seen this, but it's ANOTHER desperate plea for sympathy from people who otherwise would not give a shit. But they put it in a secret little catchy phrase instead!! Probably due to the fact that this person has made so many 'regular pleas' that they needed to evolve it into better ones to get the same attention. PATHETIC!! Go gargle with razor blades .. I heard that works!!

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Ate dinner, cleaned the living room. Now it is time to start bed time I was going to let them stay up late but I need them to go to bed.

Nothing to say here that hasn't already been said ... just sit back, relax, and watch people getting more pathetic and stupid by the minute.

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Fellowship of the Hearts Banquet tonight at church...can't wait to have dinner out with my husband and no kids!

Yup ... the number one goal of PARENTS. NOT having the KIDS! Wow.

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we can find 1,000,000 people who don't believe in Evolution before June

This is just damn scary. Someone I vaguely know has joined a group to find a million people who don't believe in evolution, but instead every living species (possibly a 100 million of them) just magically appeared one day. To be so ignorant to snub his nose at mountains and mountains of evidence from the most intelligent people from all over the globe over the past 150 years without EVER being proved wrong ONCE despite millions of tests. This is why I think we should cancel ALL current government assistance programs and invest in 'forced education courses'. A 1 week mandatory course for each and every American teaching this thing called REALITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I predict assholes like this will surely be an active participant in the extinction of the human race.

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tonight's stats: 4 people asking if I was having twins, 9 comments that I'm really big or huge, and 13 people's eyes getting as big as saucers when I mentioned that I'm due in a month. Becoming a hermit sounds more appealing than ever.

tonight's replies: 4 people who thinks the fact that your pregnant is NOT WORTH MENTIONING, 9 comments on your just adding to the 400,000 other crying little shits who will be born any given day, 13 people offering you a coat hanger and a dark alley when you mentioned the fact that you already have 3 OTHER KIDS!!! A swift kick in the stomach sounds more appealing than ever if you ask Me!


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And I'll have to quit there for today. Blood pressure has risen to the danger point. Until next time .. you keep typing, I'll keep observing.

Who do you hate more?

This isn't really a fair question. It's kinda like asking how would you rather die? 1. Having your eyes plucked out by vultures while chained to a railroad track. 2. Having bamboo shards shoved under your fingernails while soaking in a tub of hydrochloric acid.

I actually almost feel sorry for you people who watch TV, because just the ads I see on the internet for these two companies makes Me want to jump off My quonset onto a rusty pitchfork.

Facebook Analogy Part 4

Yes another installment of FB analogy is upon us.

As always .. the names of the retarded have been deleted to protect them from .. uhmmm .. being a retard I guess. Enjoy!

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My hands feel like popsicles. Just can't get them warm. Maybe some of the hot cocoa that Jane bought me for Christmas will warm me up. Marshmallows! Yum!

Why not entertain the idea of sticking your frozen hands down your pants and masturbating?? You'd skip the experience of looking like a retard by posting something so lame, you'd warm up your hands, you'd relinquish your sexual drive for awhile, and you'd avoid having another fucking kid who will one day grow up and type stupid shit on Facebook!!

---

school is already cancelled for tomorrow again, nice that --- has off work, because I don't care what kind of weather we have I am going to my interview...say a little prayer for me please that the right words come out

Two things wrong with this posting.

1. No matter what the weather .. your going to make it to a job interview? Really?? A JOB is that important that you'd risk your life on dangerous, icy roads mingling with 100's of other 1/2 ton pieces of steel? Yeah .. that about sums up the stupidity of people today. They actually think working is a TOP priority. Stupid yuppy dick!! Keep that system going slave bitch!!

2. You want Me to say a prayer that the words come out right?? Hmmmm. Dear God, I know you must be busy with all the chaos in Haiti, the countless wars going on in the world, genocides, rape, murder, torture, world hunger, natural disasters and a endless list of other stuff. Not to mention your plate MUST be full because from down here it doesn't look like your doing 'jack shit' about it. But if you have a free moment, could you please help My friend and make sure her words come out right, because as you know .. saying the wrong thing REALLY SUCKS. Thank you, amen.

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Update on the arm...got the splint off and my arm really hurts now. Didn't realize how much support that gave me. Have to wear my sling now for about 4 wks. I think I'm going to need a lot of tylenol!!!

Complaining about how much it hurts to use your arm .. and yet enduring the pain to type to the rest of the world on just how much it hurts. I don't think your arm is your top priority for some reason. I think it's more of your 'Attention Whore' status sunk from level 10 to level 9 and you need to get it back up again.

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doing a couple of small projects around the house today. then lunch with my honey

This person just baffles Me. He/She always types something lame and stupid ... AND NO ONE EVER RESPONDS!!! And then, the next day .. He/She DOES IT AGAIN!!!! WOW!! This continues almost every day! At what point do you realize that you don't even have ANY FAKE FRIENDS???

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got my walk in and some fixer upper chores done. also lunch with the wife and now .....nap time before work

You guessed it .. this is the same moron as above, just a few hours later. *NOTE* - no one responded to this one either! It's almost as He/She is typing to oneself to reassure that He/She is still alive and breathing, although WHY is yet to be figured out.

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Thunder and I are off to the Vet in a few..woof woof.Nothing really bad but bothersome and Mommy wants me at my best!woof woof I LOVE MY MOMMY!

Here's an exceptionally strange ranger who types everything through her dog. Just about everything she types is to appear that it's her dogs thoughts. Now while I think everyone on Facebook has a neurological disorder .. I think this person might need to visit the padded cell first.

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A blade went thru my neighborhood. Thank you, but were you drunk? I hope you go again, but don't hear the beep beep anywhere close. c'mon spring. It is 18 out tho! yeaa and that's above 0!

Yes, 18 IS above 0. Very good .. now go put up a 'smiley face' sticker next to your name :) And I'm guessing that you thought the blade operator was drunk because your one of the sorry excuses of a human that parks all their vehicles IN THE STREET instead of your driveway! I personally think any asshole that parks in the street during the winter should be first in line at the lobotomy clinic.

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--- thinks that God simply did NOT give me enough wisdom OR patience to go with these children He gave me to raise. Sometimes I wonder what He must think of the job I'm doing. I'm so thankful I'm forgiven, 'cause if I weren't, I'd have some 'splainin' to do!

YOUR RIGHT! God did NOT give you patience or wisdom, these are learned traits in human behavior! However God also did NOT give you 'these children' to raise either! YOUR children are the product of you spreading your legs one night to get your vagina tickled while your 'better half' was too stupid to wear a condom! DEAL WITH IT!! And you're NOT forgiven, nor will you have some 'splainin' to do either. This is reality .. WELCOME!

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Honey made me spaghetti & sauce. He also got me a puppy calendar...awww I love him!

In what specific way would you possibly conceive that anyone would give a flying fuck about what your eating?????? This concept totally eludes Me. And while YOU think your honey gave you a puppy calendar .. what he REALLY gave you a 'pussy' calender. You get to look at cute puppies, and your hubby will soon be looking at your cute pussy. This is the REAL reason guys give ANY gifts to women. Just make damn sure you put a helmet on that soldier before letting it go into battle to avoid becoming like the person in the posting directly above you that I just wrote about.

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It's "Survivor" time.....OH YEAH! :)

OH YEAH! - Time to sit back and watch someone else on TV and wish my life wasn't so pathetic that all I do is watch everyone else live their life. Somebody please just shoot this person.

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So proud of -------, my kid who hates cheese, ate a grilled cheese sandwich.

Your kid just ate a grilled cheese sandwich? No shit!?! Please don't joke about something so serious! There are probably a few HUNDRED MILLION KIDS in the world the same age as your child .. but YOURS ATE A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH!!! Son-of-a-bitch I'll be damned and dipped in butter!! Wait till your kid, who hates dick, comes home one day and tells Mommy and Daddy that he's gay and takes it up the poop shoot! Let's see your proud post then you pathetic twat!!

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And so ends another chapter in the pure stupidity of Facebook postings. And YES .. hard to believe, but there is more to come!

Praise Jesus

Oh praise the Lord! Jesus I give thee thanks! God answers prayer! The Lord is so awesome!!

As I'm writing this, I'm slowly recovering from the worst case of strep throat and flu that I can remember having. I won't mention the fact that I probably got it from work, which is reason 153 of "Why Work Is Stupid!" Anyway, within a matter of about 2 hours, I went from feeling normal to laying flat on My back in bed with no strength! Now that's impressive! The next day I headed to the Doc and got on a pretty powerful dose of azithromycin, and sure enough a couple of days later I have some strength again, My 104 degree fever has broke and I'm returning to normal. Please note that I am NOT writing this for sympathy that I'm sick! I couldn't give a shit if no one knew that I'm 'under the weather' .. it's just not that big of deal!!!! I'm writing this as an example of observation of human stupidity by comparison.

Now there are several fascinating things to observe about this. The fact that a microscopic germ can bring a man to his knees is pretty damn impressive. The fact that a person can go from 'well-to-hell' in a matter of a couple hours all because a little microbe is reeking havoc inside his body is also pretty cool. Or the fact that it doesn't always have to be a volcano or massive tsunami to wipe out a big chunk of people. But I'd like to focus on the fact on just HOW I got well in the first place.

So many people today, in fact, I'd say a dangerous percentage of people, would give thanks to Jesus for healing them of sickness ... just like the Bible says. These same people don't even bat an eye to the fact that the FIRST place they went was to the damn MEDICAL DOCTOR to see what science and biology could do about it! In fact .. if you did corner these people about the fact that science made them feel better, they would just argue that JESUS gave us the knowledge to create antibiotics. It's really a no win situation with these people. It just pisses Me off that people are this ignorant to the truth in this day and age. That there is REAL, testable, demonstrable evidence as to why we get sick and how medical science can fix it. But these ignorant assholes would rather take the medicine, but give all the credit to the fact that their church put their sickness on a 'prayer chain' at the local church! Fucking assholes!!

If I had one wish, it would be that all these religious nutcases out there were not allowed to use man-made science in ANY PART of their lives. Everything and anything they need will have to come out of their magic book. Going by that theory, you wouldn't have a car, or running water, or electricity, or your tennis shoes, your cellphone, or your computer. Yeah .. I think a 1 month course in reality would shock you back into the real world. I would say that all you'd have left in your life would be to go live at your church ... but since there is so much science involved in that building too ... you wouldn't be allowed to stay there for shelter either.

So as I continue to feel better and recover from a massive ass whooping of strep throat, I would like to give a huge shout of thanks to all the people in the medical science field who have dedicated countless hours of their lives, just to ensure that other people don't have to suffer from ailments. No doubt, your efforts have made the world an incredibly better place to live in. And sorry Jesus ... since you had NO part in this equation what-so-ever, I give you NO praise, NO thanks, and NO worship! Sorry to pop your ego bubble. Amen.

Facebook Analogy Part 3

Once again I will be analyzing pure stupidity taken directly from the pages of Facebook.

The postings are REAL, the names have been deleted to protect the purely retarded. Enjoy!

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Thank you everyone for the prayers !! My dad is still in ICU, heart rythem is finally normal, oxygen level is better, and he is getting to be a crabby old man!! Gotta love him! We will see what comes in mext few days! Thanks again to all!!!!

Ahhh once again a person who thinks 'prayer' saved someone's ass. You know what? If "prayer" saved your dad's ass, then what the fuck is He doing in ICU??? I don't think ICU holds prayer meetings to heal the sick. In fact, last time I checked it was highly advanced medical science that was in use to save people from the brink of death. Hey ... here's an idea for you. Next time your dad's on the brink of death, take him to church and lay him on the altar and pray about it and see how that works out for you. Dick head!!!!

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--- is snuggled under two blankets and is STILL freezing. I really want to be warm. Yet....I'm craving my chocolate fudge brownie frozen yogurt! That proves it. I'm a walking oxymoron.

Oxymoron? Not quite right. Take off the 'oxy' and I think the description fits much better.

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--- has a very resourceful child. She got VERY quiet, so I went looking for her. I found her in her closet....just standing there, holding a board up to her face. I said, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm playing hide and seek with my Barbies!" :)

1. Remove the board from your childs hands. 2. Whack board against your face until it becomes a softened, bloody, mass of swollen tissue. 3. Don't EVER post stupid ass shit that your precious little wad of sperm is doing again.

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Wow Mariah is going to be 7 months old on the 17th, time sure is going by fast!

Wow, Mariah will be 8 months in another month then. Mariah will be 2 years old in 1 year and 5 months. Mariah will be knocked up in 15 years and 7 months. Mariah will try Her first hit of acid in 14 years and 9 months. Mariah will buy Her first vibrator in 13 years and 2 months. Mariah will get raped by her uncle in 9 years and 6 months and because of it She will become a lesbian. Oh that crazy Mariah.

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Dishwasher going, bathroom cleaned, laundry folded, baby is sleeping and kids are on the bus all before 8:30am......Wow so far so good now I get to sit and have a cup of coffee.

Imagine just how pathetic one must be to post on the internet for everyone to see that for ONE morning of one day .. you actually were a mom. I'm sure the rest of the day consisted of staring at facebook, while texting your friends, and watching reality TV shows that you missed in the last week. Way to go June Cleaver.

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i need 1 nail 6 bricks 2 harnesses and 1 horseshoe thanks

I really have no idea what the fuck all these people are talking about. I'm guessing it's some interactive game on facebook where fucking farm animals is involved. I can only think that the creator of this game is laughing his ass off that all you sheeple are so massively involved in this stupid ass lame attempt to think you have a life.

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thank u for the bday wishes. I have the bestest friends ever!!

You remember that dick wad from "Facebook Analogy Part 2" that posted his birthday was tomorrow? Well here he is under the false assumption that all his friends remembered his birthday.

Note to dick wad : If you have to announce that it's your birthday just to get a bunch of people to give you birthday wishes, then MAYBE your friends aren't quite as good of friends as you might think. Dick wad.

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will be glad when the construction is complete. I have to go to the laundry mat again today :-(. On the plus side though, I can do eight loads of laundry in about two hours!

This is similar to hinting that it's your birthday. Posting some stupid ass shit like 'construction is almost complete'. It's just another lame attempt to FORCE people to ask "Oh .. what construction are you doing?" Then you get to believe that people actually are interested in your life.

And on a different note, do you SERIOUSLY think that it's spelled 'LAUNDRY MAT'???? You really thought that was the correct spelling???? 2 words Laundry and Mat!!!! WOW!!! Is a laundry mat the mat you step on when you go into a laundromat?? I guess this helps prove that the intelligence level has to be low in order to have a facebook account. Thank you for the confirmation on that.

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-- is eating a dark chocolate mocha almond granola bar. For supper. My children will be eating homemade chili with the babysitter. That's Wednesday for ya! :)

Have you ever eaten a dark chocolate mocha almond granola bar and immediately felt the urge to type it out for the world to see? Yeah .. Me either. And it's nice to know that you checked to see what your children will be eating for supper since you care about them so little that your not even going to be home tonight to raise them. What exactly is on the agenda that's more important than being a mom?? Going out to go get more dark chocolate mocha almond granola bars??? Well if you are .. I'm SURE we'll all read about that too!! Pathetic tit!

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“I’ve noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born.” ~Ronald Reagan

"Have you ever noticed that most of the people against abortion are women you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?" - George Carlin

And I'll put My George Carlin up against you Ronald Reagan ANY-DAY!!!!

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To celebrate Valentines Day, change your profile picture to you and your spouse/significant other and make sure to tell how long you've been together. Copy and paste this to you profile. --- and I have been together since June ---- *Wedding Anniversary -/-/--*

Let's see, My wife and I have been married almost 18 years and been going together almost 25. I'd say 24 of those years we have had vaginal intercourse, and entertained the idea of anal but just never was able to try it for real. She enjoys oral sex and I love a good blow job. One time she came so much that we actually had to get a new mattress. I masturbate a lot, but oddly enough My loving wife is almost always in My dreams too (how sweet) *wink*!

Is that enough information for you nosy fucks out there in Facebook land??? Why don't you mind your own fucking business and concentrate your efforts on YOUR ACTUAL LIFE .. instead of trying to impress all your cyber dick holes you call friends.

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Well that's a wrap for this time. Don't worry there will be more. It's as easy as shooting fish in a barrel ... check that ... it's as easy as staring at fish in a barrel. Actually, it's as easy as just having a barrel.