I found Jesus

I finally found Jesus !!!! Right in front of my nose this WHOLE time. Isn't that just how Jesus works??

What the hell am I talking about you ask? I'm saying I FOUND JESUS!! She always been there!! Yes .. I said She! It's my wife ... can you believe it?? I MARRIED JESUS for Christs sake!!

Now just how the hell did I come to the conclusion that I am married to Jesus? Well DUH ... just look at all the clues!!

1. Has an unbearable cross to carry.
Uhmmm ... hello!! That cross is ME! I don't think another woman on earth could bear the burden of putting up with Me. And yet She does with somewhat ease. ONLY Jesus could do this!

2. Teaches patience, and morals, and ethics, and respect .. and all that 'character counts' bullshit.
This AGAIN is Her. She reels me back in when I go way off the deep end with stuff. She teaches me these values when I go astray. Even though these values only stick with me for an hour or so before I'm diving off another cliff, She still cares enough to start over and teach Me again.

3. Born in a manger because the Inn was full.
Now I'm not sure about the manger part .. but I can prove to you that She was INDEED born. I have the paperwork!!

4. Cured the sick.
Oh my God, She is so good at this. I've lost count how many times the kids come down with something nasty and the next thing you know, there as good as new again.

5. Feed 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 small fish.
Now to be honest, I don't remember having the fish since it's not my favorite meal, but I do remember some people coming over and staying for supper and we both looked in the fridge and seen we had next to nothing to feed them. Then the next thing you know, we're all sitting at the table and here She comes with plate after plate of food ... like there was a sudden cornucopia of food out of no where!!! How did She do this?? I still don't know.

6. Turned water into wine.
Again ... details, details .. who cares. So it wasn't wine, it was Captain Morgan. Is it really that important? All I know is I gave Her an empty glass with nothing but some melting ice in it, and She returned a short time later with the cuppith overflowith with spirit!! However She did it, it's pretty damn cool.

7. Healing the blind and the dumb.
I, once again, am first hand witness to this account. I am quite often either blind or dumb (sometimes both at once), and She will come and open my eyes to something I could not see before .. even though it was right in front of me all along.

8. Raised the dead.
Yes, it's true. One night after a lot of drinks, we were in bed, and She was a little (you know). To which I responded, "I can't .... I drank to much, it's dead." But low and behold if She didn't breathe life back into ................ well ...... you get the idea.



So scoff if you will. I was once in your shoes, but now I know better! I was blind but now I see, I was weak, but now I'm strong, I was sober, but then I started drinking and came up with todays blog.



Todays RBV: Ezekiel 24:10 Heap on wood, kindle the fire, consume the flesh, and spice it well, and let the bones be burned.


Huh !?! I guess according to the Bible we are suppose to eat meat .. whadda-ya-know. But then it also says that the end of the world is any day now and has successfully missed the marked by a few thousand years.