N.M.D.

N.M.D. - National Masturbation Day

This is an idea that I would love to have 'cum' over the globe in the near future.

Think about it! One of the biggest problems in the world today stems from 'penis entering vagina' syndrome! This could be easily alleviated by a simple 'flick of the wrist' (so to speak). We need to get together and take a STAND, UNITE, ... and let our voices be heard !!! And tell the world that it's OK TO CHOKE YOUR CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!

Not to mention it would be another day off of work!! A national holiday .. hell, a global holiday!!! One day a year we could guarantee that all the people of the world would be home 'double clicking their mouse' or 'spanking the one eyed wonder worm'. Yes one day a year it would be nice to know that your mailman, your peace officers, your Walmart clerk ... everybody is at home 'beating the bishop'. And at work from now on, we would no longer have 'smoke breaks', but instead we would have 'jerk breaks'. Think of the increase in production if all the stress and tension disappears!!!!!!

This concept could end all the stress in the world. It could end all the WARS in the world!!! I mean think about it. If everyone jerked off on the same day, what would they be like the NEXT day at work?? No stress, no hormone buildup, no semen backup!! Everyone would just be relaxed and peaceful and happy. Even the Islamic extremists would be so happy to finally have 30 years of backed up baby batter pressure off their minds, they wouldn't feel like strapping bomb to themselves and blowing up a small village.

Did you know that in the middle east they actually force women to cut off their clitoris to keep them from getting sexual aroused? And the men just let the pressure build up until they eventually fly planes into skyscrapers!! ALL IN THE NAME OF GOD!!!! What the fuck kind of solution is this?? Who the hell put these boneheads in charge??? Jesus H. Christ !!! Take 5 minutes in a restroom stall and 'clean the pipes' ....... you'll get the same results and be a lot happier!!!

And another thing, for at least one day of the year nine months later, we will drastically cut down the number of BIRTHS there are in the world!!! Yeah, it ain't much of a dent, but it's a start!! If N.M.D. goes over well, we could increase it to 2 times a year, then once a month, then once a week!!! Hell if all goes well, the whole world could eventually masturbate as much as I do!!! (OK, that might have been a bit too much information, but you get the idea).

This could help boost the economy also as the sales of Kleenex, Charmin, and Bounty would certainly be on the rise. Not to mention I'm sure we'd see an increase in the sales of lotion and hand cream too.

If masturbation was a part of our morning ritual (like brushing our teeth), then one day 2 kids wouldn't want to fight each other at school, and a serial rapist wouldn't have the urge to stalk some chic and kill her one night, then our democrats wouldn't feel like fighting the republicans, then the Crypts wouldn't feel like murdering the Bloods, then North Korea wouldn't feel like fighting South Korea, then India wouldn't feel like nuking Pakistan!!!! I HAVE A DREAM!!!!!!!!

So lets all start a march to the very doorsteps of Washington and break down the White House door and tell President Obama that we need a National Masturbation Day written into our constitution!! It's just a damn good idea!

250 THOUSAND PEOPLEz

250,000 people .. that's TWO HUNDRED FIFTY THOUSAND PEOPLE!!! That's how many NEW humans are on this planet every single day .. every day of the year! Imagine that. This time tomorrow there will be 250,000 MORE people wandering around this planet. Around 400,000 are born, about 150,000 die, leaving a net profit of 250,000!



To put it another way (calculating the one's who died too):


Tomorrow, BOOM - All the people in Reno Nevada suddenly appear.

The next day, BOOM - All the people in St. Petersburg Florida suddenly appear.

The next day, BOOM- All the people in Baton Rouge Louisiana suddenly appear.

The next day, BOOM- All the people in Madison Wisconsin suddenly appear.

The next day, BOOM- All the people in Akron Ohio suddenly appear.

The next day, BOOM- All the people in Montgomery Alabama suddenly appear.

And this continues, every single day of the year.

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Does this bother you? Cause it does Me! Did you know that around 800 million people go hungry everyday?? Not that I care, but you would think people would stop breeding if they seen these figures. Can't we all just masturbate a little more? If these people in these poor countries grew up so poor, why the hell do they have a bunch of kids that they KNOW will also grow up poor??

Here's another way to look at it. There will be more babies born tomorrow than there are seconds in a day. Every single second around 5 babies are born .. EVERY - SINGLE - SECOND!

I find it odd that even the day the Haiti earthquake hit, we STILL probably had a NET GAIN of people in the world!!!!!!! When the Indonesian tsunami hit a few years ago, we STILL probably had a NET GAIN of people in the world!!!! Hurricane Katrina - no match for the breeding of humanity!

And I bring up this next point which will really show what a heartless prick I am .. but I'm just making an observance. You know when you find a couple ants around the house .. or maybe in your basement or something? And maybe you ignore it, then a week later you find a few dozen crawling around, then a little more, and a little more? Normally people set out ant traps or call the Orkin man to take care of the problem before it REALLY gets out of hand!! Or the fact that we have 'deer hunters' who go out every year and hunt the deer population down a bit. If we didn't, they would overpopulate and you'd find them laying dead all over the place. How come everyone just looks the other way when humans are doing this?

If some life form came along and flew around our earth, they sure wouldn't say "Wow .. look at how many black bears there are". They'd say "Holy shit .. this planet is being over run by humanoids!!!!!!!!!!"

Am I saying that some 100 foot tall can of RAID should come out of the sky and wipe out a whole bunch of us? Well ....... uhmmmmmm .. maybe I shouldn't answer that. In fact, I better quit while I'm ahead (or behind) and just leave you to ponder at our current worlds population status.

Let Me just say that next time you or someone you know has a baby, it's not as big of deal as you may think it is since it happens 400,000 times a day. Yeah, it's pretty cool that a living, breathing person comes out of the mid-section of another living, breathing person .. but it's by NO MEANS a miracle, but more of a common thing in nature .. and if you ask Me, a MUCH TOO COMMON THING IN NATURE. Amen.

More damning evidence

So the 'bible thumpers' out there think the world is 6000 years old, and that about 4000 years ago God flooded the world and Noah and family were the only human survivors.

Well now there are plenty of reasons to show that this story is complete bullshit, but I'll just dwell on one of them.

How about DNA and the gene pool? You see, science can look at different generations of people today and actually measure the changes in the gene pool from people. For instance, they can measure a Great Great Grandpa, a Great Grandpa, a Grandpa, a Father, and a Son .. and actually see the extremely small changes in the DNA with each passing generation. This is what's called evolution! Small changes in things over time!

NOW ... if you take all the diverse population of people on the earth today from all walks of life and from all four corners of the earth, you have a huge gene pool to deal with. And to 'bottleneck' all that into ONE FAMILY just 4000 years ago leads you to one conclusion. IMPOSSIBLE!!!

IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO HAVE THE VASTNESS OF THE GENE POOL THAT WE HAVE TODAY IF IT WAS SHRUNK TO 1 FAMILY ONLY 4000 YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!!!

Did you get that creationist???? Does is sink in your head yet???? This is a testable, plausible, demonstrable, provable scientific process that not only CAN be done .. but HAS been done!! Nothing could survive that much extreme change in the DNA sequence in that short of period of time!!! I just does NOT work! End of story. AMEN!!!

Population Update

As for yesterday's blog, I was a little off on the population of the earth. For some reason a year or two back, I knew the population of the earth to be about 6.4 billion people. That number has stuck in my head ever since. Unfortunately, since man has the uncontrollable urge to breed, that number has gone up and is now at about 6.8 billion people. So ... in conclusion, within a short span of time, man has created another 400 million people. That's FOUR HUNDRED MILLION ... or 400,000,000 PEOPLE!!!!

The really good news is that around the year 2050, or about the time I've lived a full and complete life, we're estimated to be around 9 billion people, or not quite 1/3 more than what we are now. Let's just hope I die at an early age before the breeding situation has gone totally out of control.

Oh yeah .. and if you read yesterdays blog about every square mile holding 618 people, well the stakes just went up a bit. Now every square mile needs to hold 661 people. Ain't life grand?

So I really don't see much difference between humans and the 1000's and 1000's of crickets or grasshoppers that appeared on My property so suddenly this year. It's just like looking at the human population, just on a much quicker time line. Maybe we'll all get lucky and the swine flu will take out about 1/2 the population of earth this winter ... it seems we're about due for a good global cleansing don't ya think?? Amen.

7% of 197 Million for 6.4 Billion

7% of 197 Million for 6.4 Billion. That is the figure of the day.

What is it? Well 197 million is the amount of square miles that makes up earth. 7% is the approximate area that is livable for humans. And 6.4 billion is todays population. So just go do the math.

7% of 197 million = 13,790,000 million miles.

We have about 14 million square miles that are habitable for humans. And we have 6.4 billion humans ..... soooooooo

6.4 billion divided by 13.7 million = 464 people per square mile on all habitable earth. Does that sound crowded to you?? It does to Me!

Think about 1 square mile and 464 people. Now think about the trash that you, your spouse, and your kids make in a given day .. or week ... or year. Think about how much your family craps on the toilet each day. Think about all the stuff you and your family accumulate in a year. What if all 464 of you HAD to keep your trash and crap within your square mile?? How fun would that be? How long would it take for your garbage to take over your square mile?

Wait a second!! What about the fact that 1/3 of the habitable earth needs to be used for agriculture??? Oh Oh! Now that one square mile isn't for 464 people, it's actually 618 people per square mile because 1/3 of it is crops for food and trees for homes. Now does it seem crowded? 618 other people living with you in one square mile, with all your garbage, and stuff, and waste products, and cars, and bikes, and kids, and toys, and homes, and smoke and pollution.

So now were down to 2.3% of the earth is for just humans to live. Now go grab a globe (I know you all have one), and picture 2 or 3 percent of it. Just a little strip of the earth. Now try cramming 6.4 billion people into that area. Fun fun!!

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O.K., one last experiment. Our town were I live has about 35,000 people. Nothing huge, just your average medium size town. So I was wondering how many medium size towns are there in 6.4 billion people. Well I was surprised to find out that there are 185,000 medium size towns in 6.4 billion.

Again, take a globe, and just take 2.3% of it. Now try sticking 185,000 stick pins into that small area. Each one of them is NOT a person ... that's a whole town with 35,000 people. Not to mention trying to stick 185,000 stick pins into 2.3% of a globe might be a little challenging also.

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And the final question. What the hell gets Me thinking about such weird, absurd things? I have no idea. But I'm kinda glad I'm this demented .... it's damn fun! Oh yeah, one last thing, wear a god damn condom!!!!

Hell : No Vacancy

I just did a little figuring the other day using today's populations and figures.

Today, there are about 6.4 BILLION people on earth.

Today, there is about 2.1 billion people that claim to be Christian. This is a very generous guess.

Now I would like to add that not ALL 2.1 billion Christians are TRUE Christians. In fact, I would say that very few of them live up to Biblical standards that are asked of them. We all know people who are Christian, and who go to church, and put on a good Samaritan image. But how many people do you know that live every single day 'For the Lord'? I mean their entire life rotates around Jesus? Not just every Sunday for an hour or so ... I mean all the time. Every decision that's comes up is made by praying to Jesus for guidance. I would bet that MAYBE 10% of the Christians you know actually live up to the standard of ACTING like a true Christian. And I would say 10% is a generous figure again.

So .. if 2.1 billion people are claiming to be Christian, but only 10% of them live up to the standards, then we can logically conclude that only 210 million people are true, born again Christians.

So in conclusion .. the earths population (6.4 Billion), subtract the true Christians (210 million), leaves us with 6.19 BILLION people would be going to hell if Jesus returned today!

That 6,190,000,000 people ..... DOOMED TO HELL!!! That's roughly 97% of the entire population of earth ... GOING TO HELL .. to be tortured, and tormented, with screaming, and pain, and fire, and brimstone, and all that other good stuff!!!

So God created man in HIS image, and yet 97% of us are complete screw ups!! Yeah .. I'd have to say that once you do the math, it becomes clear that Christianity, as we know it, is NOT a higher, all powerful, God up in the sky .. But rather, an invention. An invention by MAN to keep people in line, and keep them in fear. Oh yeah, and keep them shelling out money to support this bullshit.

I rest My case Your Honor. Amen!