Saturday, March 20, 2010
N.M.D. - National Masturbation Day
This is an idea that I would love to have 'cum' over the globe in the near future.
Think about it! One of the biggest problems in the world today stems from 'penis entering vagina' syndrome! This could be easily alleviated by a simple 'flick of the wrist' (so to speak). We need to get together and take a STAND, UNITE, ... and let our voices be heard !!! And tell the world that it's OK TO CHOKE YOUR CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!
Not to mention it would be another day off of work!! A national holiday .. hell, a global holiday!!! One day a year we could guarantee that all the people of the world would be home 'double clicking their mouse' or 'spanking the one eyed wonder worm'. Yes one day a year it would be nice to know that your mailman, your peace officers, your Walmart clerk ... everybody is at home 'beating the bishop'. And at work from now on, we would no longer have 'smoke breaks', but instead we would have 'jerk breaks'. Think of the increase in production if all the stress and tension disappears!!!!!!
This concept could end all the stress in the world. It could end all the WARS in the world!!! I mean think about it. If everyone jerked off on the same day, what would they be like the NEXT day at work?? No stress, no hormone buildup, no semen backup!! Everyone would just be relaxed and peaceful and happy. Even the Islamic extremists would be so happy to finally have 30 years of backed up baby batter pressure off their minds, they wouldn't feel like strapping bomb to themselves and blowing up a small village.
Did you know that in the middle east they actually force women to cut off their clitoris to keep them from getting sexual aroused? And the men just let the pressure build up until they eventually fly planes into skyscrapers!! ALL IN THE NAME OF GOD!!!! What the fuck kind of solution is this?? Who the hell put these boneheads in charge??? Jesus H. Christ !!! Take 5 minutes in a restroom stall and 'clean the pipes' ....... you'll get the same results and be a lot happier!!!
And another thing, for at least one day of the year nine months later, we will drastically cut down the number of BIRTHS there are in the world!!! Yeah, it ain't much of a dent, but it's a start!! If N.M.D. goes over well, we could increase it to 2 times a year, then once a month, then once a week!!! Hell if all goes well, the whole world could eventually masturbate as much as I do!!! (OK, that might have been a bit too much information, but you get the idea).
This could help boost the economy also as the sales of Kleenex, Charmin, and Bounty would certainly be on the rise. Not to mention I'm sure we'd see an increase in the sales of lotion and hand cream too.
If masturbation was a part of our morning ritual (like brushing our teeth), then one day 2 kids wouldn't want to fight each other at school, and a serial rapist wouldn't have the urge to stalk some chic and kill her one night, then our democrats wouldn't feel like fighting the republicans, then the Crypts wouldn't feel like murdering the Bloods, then North Korea wouldn't feel like fighting South Korea, then India wouldn't feel like nuking Pakistan!!!! I HAVE A DREAM!!!!!!!!
So lets all start a march to the very doorsteps of Washington and break down the White House door and tell President Obama that we need a National Masturbation Day written into our constitution!! It's just a damn good idea!