The Atkins Diet

What the hell happened with this diet?? It just disappeared like my thingy in a tub full of ice water. This was "The Greatest Diet On Planet Earth". Eat crap, loose weight. And for some reason this diet has faded out of existence. I remember when the price of eggs and beef were through the roof because they could hardly keep up with demand because everyone and their mother was on this diet.

On the Atkins diet, you could eat an endless supply of chicken wings, unbreaded shrimp, ranch dressing, mayonnaise, cheese, beef, bacon, sausage, and butter. In return you had to give up bread, cereal, and pizza. What a deal!! I say lets get this diet back to number one again!

I know, I know, there are idiots out there who say, "It's bad for your kidneys". You know what I say, "Who gives a crap!!" Let's see, your 100 lbs overweight, and you go on a diet that helps you loose all that, but your kidneys took a beating. Did you ever think that those 100 extra pounds might be hard on OTHER parts of your body ... like your heart?? Not to mention you don't even need both kidneys, but you do need one heart. So piss on your kidneys (ha ha), go eat a slab of butter and wash it down with a cup of ranch dressing.

My ultimate Atkins diet food was a burger, one big honkin' burger (no bun), then I'd smother it with ranch dressing, cheese, mayonnaise, sour cream, salt, pepper, and pickles. Then I'd burp beef for the next 12 hours while I lost weight. Or how about eating hot wings, yes, greasy, dripping hot wings until my eyes watered. Sometimes I'd just grab a slab of cheese and just chomp away while watching reruns of the Brady Bunch. For breakfast, a 5 egg omelet with extra cheese and sour cream, ahhhh make it 2 omelets. Then I'd wash all this crap down with 16 ounces of cooking oil. Ohhh, did I mention while I was doing all this ..... I was loosing weight??

Imagine this, eating all the burgers, steak, roasts, bacon, ham, sausage, chicken, shrimp you want!! Then topping all that stuff off with an endless supply of butter, cream, dressing, sour cream, and cheese. Wow!!!

And to think people just gave this thing up?? How the hell could you have it any better?? If someone said you could jump at the height of 50 feet and not get hurt, would you stop doing it?? Not me! How about if someone said if you cut off your hand, it'll grow back. I'd be doing that all the time. But we have someone who said, eat crap and loose weight, and we let it fade into darkness, apparently never to be seen again. This is just like people, give them a slice of heaven, and the choose hell. But hey, people are stupid so what do you expect.

So next time you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, grab a couple pounds of butter and munch on it while your driving to work and wash it down with a quart of whipping cream. You'll soon see the pounds melting off you like you wouldn't believe.


Todays RBV:


Proverbs 23:21 For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, And drowsiness will clothe one with rags.

Well I gotta give them credit for saying something like this. They didn't have THE ATKINS DIET back then!!!