Barnes and Snobville

So I did a little holiday shopping the other day, and ended up at Barnes and Noble. It was the wife, my youngest child and Me. I was out to pick up a couple items that I had in mind and the wife and kid were kinda along for the ride so we split up and I went on a search to find my items while the wife casually strolled around browsing at Her pace.

What I thought would be a 10 minute "in and out" venture, turned out to be a 45 minute ordeal. Let's just say I find it a hell of a lot easier to find a particular book in a library than I do in this place. On top of that, I did it alone. Not that I'm bitching but you would think that ONE of the 30 employees walking around might notice that I'm walking around like a idiot wondering where the hell these books are.

Which leads me to the POINT of my story.

I went into the store wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a goose-down jacket. I have not shaved in almost 2 weeks, and I basically could not care less about looking like I'm a "better" person just because of what I wear. I am what I am ... you don't like it, piss off!

My wife was wearing a nice sweater, a nice tan leather jacket with the fake fur-like collar, and of course She had Her hair done (like always), and had make-up on (like always). My point is She looked just fine, nothing outrageous ... just normal.

After we left, I was bitching that it was sure hard to find a book in there. My wife mentioned that not only did about 10 different people come around and ask to help Her, but they also gave Her a complimentary cup of hot cocoa. INTERESTING. Do you know how many people came to help me? None ... as in ZERO! 2 people shopping at the same store for the same amount of time .... with totally different results. Hmmmmmmm.

THEN, as I was checking out, there were 2 tills open and each one had a person buying their items. So a waited a few feet behind them until one of them opened up as my wife and child casually looked at books in the area. Then, out of the blue, a voice behind the counter said, "SIR, you need to go the "waiting" area over THERE." I believe I just gave Her a puzzled look as to say 'I'm the only one WAITING'. Then the voice said, "Sir .. I can't tell who's in line next because your standing right there. I don't know if this lady is next or someone else ... or what!" To this I responded, "Well, the 'other' lady is my wife and She's with Me, and the child is also mine and She doesn't have any money. And I don't see the other invisible people your talking about." THEN She had the GALL to point to a lady who was another aisle away and say "I just don't know if THAT lady is waiting also or what!" I glanced over at the lady who was just shopping for books like all the other customers in the store. She responded by saying that She was NOT in line and then gave the lady behind the counter a look as to say, "How could I be in line? I'm in a TOTALLY different aisle you moron!"

After arriving at the counter, I was bombarded with questions like, "Would you like to purchase a book to help a needy child for Christmas?" "No thanks." "Would you like to put this purchase on your Barnes and Noble account for extra savings?" "No." "Would you like to sign up for an email alert telling you about all the new books and savings that we have to offer?" "NO .... lady, I just want to buy 2 books, with cash, no questions ... why is that so difficult?" I'm not interested in your "latte club", I'm not paying with a credit card so I can have a happy holiday and worry about paying for it later, I'm not a yuppy trying to spread some fake holiday cheer to portray the transparent image like everyone else. I JUST WANT MY 2 OVERPRICED BOOKS, and I would like to pay for them with this crisp, fresh 50 dollar bill. I wonder if She even recognized what cash looks like.

Finally after my '20 question' episode, I was free to leave and be on my way. As I reached the door I glanced back to see my child still looking at a kids book near the counter. I looked at my daughter and said, "Amanda! Get away from the counter, your going to confuse the poor lady! She doesn't know if your in line, or shopping or WHAT!!" Then my loving wife grabbed my daughter with one hand and covered Her mouth with the other to keep from laughing out loud.

Stupid bitch behind the counter had it coming to Her!!!

In conclusion ... I don't belong at Barnes and Noble, much like I don't belong at many places in the world. I just don't fit in. I'm as normal as can be when I go out to these places. I'm polite and courteous, I don't ask for much. I usually am quiet and just want to 'do my thing' and go back home. But it's not about that! It's about image!! I don't fit in because I don't dress like a yuppy and act like a 'higher' class citizen than I really am. Well God Dammit, I'm PROUD that I'm NOT like you yuppy, fake, image wanting people out there ... at least I don't hide behind my waredrobe to make it look like I'm something I'm not. MY clothes are bought and paid for, unlike YOURS ... which just says Mastercard and Visa all over it. And in another 5 years, I'm sure I'll be paying for YOUR waredrobe too when you file for bankruptcy!!!

So piss on all you fake, snobbish, fancy, wannabe rich people out there ... you ALL SUCK! And next time when I need a book for a present, I'll go to Amazon.com. At least THEY won't judge me when I'm updating my shopping cart on my computer at 3 in the morning while drinking coffee in my underwear as I scratch my balls!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!!! PRICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!