Money saving tip #12

Here's a great way to save a few dimes each day. Get rid of half your light bulbs!

I know a lot of you out there have the new and improved light bulbs in your house that are supposed to last a lifetime, but usually last less than a regular bulb. Not to mention you paid 5 dollars a bulb VS 25 cents a bulb .. smart thinking. I'm not convinced that spending a fortune on these new bulbs is worth it. Everyone I talk to says they burn out quicker than a regular one, what's the savings in that?

Here's My brilliant idea. Those ceiling fixtures that have 3, or 5, or 8 light bulbs in them .. unscrew all but ONE!! I mean do you really need 6 light bulbs to see that your eating a bowl of Cheerios at your dining room table?? Here at the State of Les, we have a chandelier over our dining room table that holds 5 bulbs (sorry, it came with the house). I've unscrewed 4 of them giving Me a 80% savings every time we 'light up' to eat. I like to think of all those extra sockets as 'bulb storage'. As soon as one bulb goes out, tighten up another one and your back in business. Also, when we have a gourmet meal like shrimp, or steak, we turn in a couple extra bulbs for the meal ... as in a 4 star dinner, but instead it's a 4 bulb dinner. In other words, Mac N Cheese would constitute a 1 star (1 bulb) meal, a good homemade hot dish would be 2 stars (2 bulbs), and for the 'creme de la creme', like an all out Thanksgiving meal .. we screw in every damn bulb!! Martha Stewart living at it's finest!!!

And those ceiling fans with 3 light bulbs on them in the bedroom .. you guessed it, unscrew 2 of them. ONE light bulb is really all you need. And another thing .. next time your replacing your burnt out bulbs, kick it down a notch. If you normally use a 100 watt, put in a 60. If you normal use a 60, put in a 40. You'll never know the difference until you get your electric bill and see that it's smaller.

So once again, My genius mind and ingenuity have combined to give the rest of the world a savings in the pocketbook. Now I'm not saying I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize or Pulitzer Award, but if Barrack Obama got one .... well I think you get the idea!

Money Saving tip #11

Well I'm a little early (or late) for this one since it's kind of a Christmas gift giving tip, but I guess it could work for other holidays and birthdays too.

You know those gift cards that everyone gives? Go get some! But here's the trick, don't get them activated (that takes money). Just randomly slip a half a dozen of them in your pocket next time your waiting in line at the checkout. Make sure to get the $50 or $100 ones .. don't waste time stealing the $5 ones.

Now when the time comes to give a gift, give them a card! It's that simple. And when they go to use it, they will be in for big surprise, but that's not your fault! How the hell can they prove that you didn't pay for the card and have it activated? They can't! And all that it takes is some good acting on your part, and your gift is as good as the real thing.

Chances are your friend won't even mention that the card wasn't activated, it might cause tension in the friendship. But if they do ask .. just act stunned, and then a little pissed off. Tell them your gonna go back to the store and complain to the manager. Of course you never will, but just saying you will is good enough to let your friends know that you care. Meanwhile you just saved a bunch of money.

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I am convinced that if a person applies all My money saving tips into their lives, they can all quit their careers and live happily ever after .. just like Me!

Money saving tip #9

Here is yet another great money saving tip, this time it's for saving money on those damn money sucking things called kids.

If you have kids, chances are you've been to a local carnival or fun night of some sort. Now at those fun nights they sell tickets, and those tickets usually cost 25 or 50 cents apiece. Then you go around and your kids try and throw a ball in a bucket, or catch a rubber duck with a net, or stand in line at a cake walk. Well as time goes on these tickets add up, especially if you have more than one kid. And in the end you've spent 20 or 30 bucks on tickets and in return you have a bunch of plastic, made in china, nickel toys that will eventually be laying around the house getting caught in the vacuum beater bar next time you clean.

Well I just happened to be in Walmart the other day doing My exclusive, high end lifestyle shopping and I walked down the isle and seen these rolls of tickets in the stationary section. A thousand tickets for $3.88. Now that's a hell-of-a-deal. Those 1000 tickets are worth 500 bucks at 50 cents a ticket. And who the hell is gonna catch you?? This is a little carnival put on by volunteer mothers at the ticket booth, and a bunch of high school kids running the games. Not very high tech. All you have to do is make sure you have the right color tickets and your in business.

And if you want to take it to another level, you could stand out in the parking lot of your local school and make a killing on selling these tickets at discount prices. Meanwhile your kids are inside having a blast for FREE!! It's another win-win situation.

And for those of you who think it's rude to take advantage of the school fundraiser. UP YOURS!!!!! The whole damn school is nothing but a fundraiser!!! Every time I turn around they're selling books, and t-shirts, and cookies, and nuts, and candy bars. JESUS H. CHRIST ... I somehow thought the purpose of school was to LEARN ... not to become salesmen!!! And the last time I looked at My property taxes, a HUGE chunk of it was for the school system. If I recall, it was about $1000.00 of MY taxes went to the school, and yet these greedy bastards always want more!!! Now if 1000 people are giving 1000 bucks in taxes each and every year ... I'd say you have enough money to put some chalk on the blackboard. What the hell do you think you are? A CHURCH??

So go out .. buy some tickets, and start taking back some of the money that YOU DESERVE!! Amen!

Money saving tip #8

Here's a great way to save a few hundred bucks a year. 'Home Chiropractic'!

That's right .. do it yourself chiropractic services at home.

I probably go to the chiropractor about once a month, more if I'm really screwed. Each time He charges 45 bucks for 10 minutes of 'work'. Even after insurance it's still 20 bucks or so. What a joke!! Think about it! He charges 45 bucks a session, and probably sees 5 people an hour .. that's 225 bucks an hour. Take that times 8 hours .. that's 1800 bucks. Take that times the 20 days a month He works ... THAT'S $36,000.00 A MONTH !!!!!!!!!

Are You thinking what I'm thinking? FUCK HIM!!!!!!!!!

So .. every time I go there, it's the same old shit. Lay on my stomach, He cracks My mid back. Then lay on one side, puts My hip bones back in place, same with the other side. Then finally, it's adjust the neck.

Now .. lets save some money!!!

First, the cracking of the mid back. This can be easily remedy by several methods. Have your spouse step on your back. I guarantee something will crack with enough stomping around. Another way is to face backwards against a solid wall, and back into it quickly. Stand a foot or two away from the wall, and slam back into it. And you can also stand in a doorway. Put your back against one side and push your arms into the other side .. therefore forcing your back into the door jam. This is a great way to get to specific troubling areas. Or have a family member give you a reverse bear hug while your arms are crossed and give you a couple shakes. This almost ALWAYS works.

Next, the hips. Lay on the edge of the bed, or couch, and throw your top leg over the edge and twist. Use your arm to push on your upper hip and force it even more. If it's really stubborn, get a family member to come and push 'back' on the shoulder, and 'forward' on the hip. Something WILL pop .. just keep trying!! Think of the money your saving!! I have a high detailed, anatomically correct illustration of this method below for your use to aid you. (*note * - You may need to click on the pic to enlarge for better illustration)





Finally .. the neck. Swing your neck back and forth, slowly at first, then increase speed and distance. When you've reach the maximum distance that your neck will go, quickly whip your neck back the other way with intensity to go beyond what you've already done. Kinda like getting whiplash from getting hit from Mike Tyson in the side of the face. Really give it a whip .. if done correctly, you should hear a few pops. You can also use the old tried and true method of grabbing your chin and the top of your head and twisting too.

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And there you have it .. give yourself a pat on the back ( <--- Punny, huh) and think about the 20, 30, 40 bucks you just saved. Plus you did it from the comfort of your own home. If you have other pains that I didn't cover, you'll have to improvise since I'm not familiar with anything else. I believe this is what people did BEFORE chiropractors came around, and now we can get to that point again.

Happy cracking and your welcome :)

Money saving tip #7

Car repairs: They're outrageously expensive!! I have a plan to save you tons of money on car repairs!

When I first started to drive .. many, many years ago, I can recall the repair shops charging around 35 bucks and hour. Now today, they charge 76 bucks an hour. $76.35 an hour!!! How the hell do you justify that much money per hour?? I would guess that the owner pays his mechanics not more than 20 bucks an hour, leaving a nice healthy profit of 55 dollars an hour. Now considering you have 5 mechanics at your shop, times the 8 hours they work, makes 40 hours each day. And take the 40 hours each day times the $55.00 from each mechanic fee, and you get about $2,200.00 profit ... FOR ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! And assuming your open 5 days a week, times 4 weeks is a nice little nest egg of $44,000.00 per month! That's $44,000.00 per month to pay yourself (the boss), the secretary, heat, lights, land tax, and stuff. Seems to Me you should be able to SQUEAK BY at the end of the year!!!! PRICKS!!!!

Anyway .... back to saving money. I figure in another 10 years, repairs will be around $125.00/hour!!! So to save money, go get everything fixed RIGHT NOW!!! Take your car in and fix everything possible today! Even if you just bought a brand new car, take it in and have them change all the fluids, the timing belt, new transmission, brakes, headlights .... EVERYTHING!!! **WARNING** - When you take your car in for this, the mechanics will NOT want to do this for you. They may even try to talk you out of it, or that your nuts. Don't listen to them, they're just trying to pad their wallets for down the road!!

You'll probably have a couple thousand dollars in repairs, but if you did it 10 years from now, it would probably cost you twice this much!! Save money now by spending it now!! You may think the bill hurts when your done, but trust Me, you'll be thanking Me down the road!
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Sometimes I think I'm just an 'Average Joe', but then days come where I have these brilliant revelations and I realize that I am special and unique and definitely have some purpose on educating the world. Thank you.

Money Saving Tip #6

Here's a little money saving tip just in time for the Christmas holiday!

I use an electric razor, and after each shave there is a accumulation of hair inside that I open up and dump out. The secret is that each time I dump it out, I don't flush it down the toilet ... NO SIR! I've been saving those special hairs to make a throw pillow for some special person for Christmas!

That's right! Some lucky person is going to get a home made pillow, made with love (and whiskers) from my heart (and face). And you can do this too! It may not be from Macy's or Sax, but then you can't really put a price on something from the heart .. can you.

So with so much uncertainty and doubt and unemployment this Holiday Season, why not put away the Visa card, and get out them whiskers your just throwing away and make a 'gift of love' for that someone special in your life.

Money saving tip #5

Here's a little tip that will save you a few bucks down the road.

Never ... EVER .. buy a Yahtzee game!!

Think about it. What is Yahtzee? 5 dice, a plastic cup, and a notepad. And your gonna go out and spend 10 bucks on that?? REALLY?

Save yourself some cash and go buy a refill pack of scorecards for a couple bucks and use a plastic cup from home and find some dice around the house (or borrow them from another game).

Using this ingenious method you are able to save up to 80% on your Yahtzee purchases over your lifetime. You now can put all that money to better use as you see fit. Maybe more money in the bank, maybe that new car you've always wanted, how about that dream vacation to Tahiti? The choice is yours once you implement My handy, dandy, useful money saving tips. Enjoy.

Money saving tip #4

When cooking with boiling water, DON'T dump it down the drain when your finished.

Instead, strain the boiling water into another pot, then use that water for cleaning other things.

A good pot of leftover boiling water can be great for:

- Cleaning off kitchen counters.

- Getting off them nasty stains from the floor.

- Used for making tea

- Sterilizing the toilet

- Melting ice on the front steps

- Burning off stubborn warts

- Sterilizing your testicles

- Deep cleaning the outside casing of your vacuum cleaner.

- Getting dingle-berries off the dog

- Dumping into the washing machine for laundry

- Cleaning scratched CD's and DVD's (not applicable to Blue-Ray)

- Getting pet hair out of the hamster cage.

- Taking a nice bath.

- Giving the pet tarantula an enema.

- And 100's of other uses.

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So stop buying all those bottles of 409, Clorex, and Fantastic and next time you need some hot water, just wait until you make a nice pot of spaghetti, then use the water that's left to cut down on those darn energy bills during this tough economic time we're it.

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Todays RBV: Johah 1:17 Now the LORD had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.

Jesus H. Christ! And there are people out there who actually claim this story is TRUE!! Because it's IN THE BIBLE!! WOW!

Money saving tip #3

Here's another way to save a few bucks on the old monthly budget. No flushing the toilet until it's full.

Did you know that it takes around 3 gallons of water every time you flush! Think about all the times you go and take a quick whiz, and your whole family does the same thing. That's a lot of flushing!

I propose that no one flushes the toilet until they sit down on it and feel something touch their butt OTHER than the actual toilet. THEN it's time to flush!

Let's all do our part to help the environment and save a little coin too. As you know from yesterdays blog, I for one have big concerns in helping the environment. Amen!

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Todays RBV: John 3:36 He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.


I wonder how many billions and billions of people that God's wrath is upon them? God's a busy guy indeed.

Money Saving Tip #2

It's time once again for another useful money saving tip, brought to you by yours truly!


Cut back to bathing only once or twice a week! Yes, I know, it sounds disgusting but it's not (once you get used to it)! Think of the savings:

1. You save water from the shower by not using it 5 or 6 times a week.

2. You usually end up wearing the same clothes for a several days. Therefore saving washing clothes to 1 or 2 outfits a week.

3. Think of the savings on the wear and tear on your clothes too. Each time you wash and dry them, your clothes take a beating and they wear out quicker.

4. Savings on shampoo and conditioner. O.K., not much saving there but HEY, every penny counts!

5. The longer you go without washing your clothes, the more they automatically start forming to your body ... even before you put them on!

6. The excess body oil that builds up can be used to lubricate your car parts, your door hinges, and just about everything else! It's like WD40 at hand all the time 24/7!! Think about it, next time you open that cabinet and the hinge squeaks, just run your fingers through your hair and waa-laa, problem solved!

7. In the spring, summer, and fall, you eliminate indoor showers all together, as God calls the shots when you need to bathe. That's right, rain! It's free, it's refreshing, and you need to go outside and get naked in your yard next time it happens and start scrubbing. Be the trendsetter on your block this year!

8. Shave your head. If you don't like your hair getting oily, shave it off. That goes for you women out there to. True beauty is on the inside anyway (so they say). Just look at Sinead O'Connor, or Brittney Spears! (O.K. maybe scratch idea #8 off the list, at least for women.)
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Think about it!! At the end of the week your laundry would be 1 pair of pants, 1 shirt, 1 pair of socks, some underwear, and a towel. You can't beat that folks!!! Who likes to do laundry??

I know what your thinking ... PEEEEW! But it's NOT true! Once you start eating all natural, there are no more smells! They just disappear ... REALLY! No body odor, no stinky flatulence, NOTHING! It's like breathing a fresh breath of spring air all day long!!

I also know what your thinking .. my boss would fire Me! GOOD!!! What are you doing working for 'the man' anyway??? IDIOT!!

So get on board and start saving some money spent on stupid stuff like showering. You save money, free up some time, and hopefully get fired from your job. THERE'S NO DOWN SIDE!!

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Todays RBV: Genesis 6:16 A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it.


Yeah, a 450 foot ark and make ONE 18 inch window. HA HA ......... sure, that will be enough Lord! Speaking of foul smells!