Thanks Santa

Thanks a lot Santa, you drunken fat ass!!

All I wanted for Christmas was 3 simple things! Any ONE of which I would have been happy with.

1. Peace and quiet. - Now this could have been accomplished in many ways. My wife and kids could have been in a coma for a few weeks. We could have gotten MORE snow so nobody could make it anywhere so I wouldn't be forced to go visit family every other frickin day. I could have wandered out during the blizzard and magically got lost and had to start My life over by digging a shelter in a field out in the middle of no where.

Instead I have 2 kids strung up on adrenaline and sugar, family in town with a billion kids screaming and yelling, and other relatives who INSIST that I come visit! Is it that hard to ask to want to be alone ... just Me and the dog, and NOTHING ELSE??? SHIT!!

2. A bigger penis. And it doesn't take a hell-of-a-lot of effort to see that by just looking down, I'm stuck with the same old shriveled up tube of skin that I've always had.

3. A bag of weed.

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So in closing, thank you so much Santa .. Your the best. May your fat ass fall out of the sleigh when your 10 miles up and have an untimely death!!!

A Christmas Wish

Tis the season to spend money,
Fa la la la la, la la la la
I betcha Jesus finds this kinda funny,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

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Since it's that special time of year, I'd like to spread My thoughts to You and Yours for the Holiday Season.


-Happy Broke Holidays to You and Yours.

-May Your credit card balances be YOUR problem and not mine.

-May Your New Year start off by working lots of overtime to hopefully start putting a dent in all those Holiday bills you raked up the past couple months.

-This time, when you can't pay your mortgage please do Me a favor and don't go to the government for a bailout because of your fragile, materialistic lifestyle you lead. Deal with it .. dumb asses!!

-While in your drunken stupor at Your works Holiday Party, don't forget to call a cab so You don't kill an innocent agnostic who might be out there. Don't forget .. it's the ONLY life they have!

- If depression has got you down during the silly season, don't be afraid to go to the sporting goods store and put one last purchase one your 'plastic wallet' and take care of things yourself. Don't worry ... we'll get over the loss of you.

-And with all the Holiday drinking going on, don't forget to put a damn condom on!!! The last thing we need is a spurt ( <---Punny) in the population 9 months from now). In fact, make it your New Years resolution to STOP BREEDING!!!!!!!!

- Don't forget to pray for world peace! I know it didn't work last year, but I found out there was a good reason for that. Jesus was on the shitter! I'm SURE this year our prayers will work!

- Here's hoping that Walmart, Sears, Macy's and all the rest of you greedy retailers stayed in the RED after BLACK Friday. I think a nice collapse of our commercial industry would set a nice, quiet peaceful tone for 2010 ... don't you?

- And to each and everyone of you out there who received a government bailout in the past year, I graciously extend My middle finger to all of you! Your the same assholes who probably ramped up another 10,000 this year in credit, hence setting the scenario all over again!

- And don't forget the true reason for the season. To believe in Old Folk Lore, and Mythology, and to spread your version of the big space daddy across the globe and to set off Holy wars in the name of who's God has the biggest penis, all in hopes that the world will come to a massive Armageddon where everyone on earth will die a fiery death (how pleasant), and then you can go off in the clouds and met Santa Jesus or fuck 70 some virgins. Amen.

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Ho HO HO and HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY from all of us behind the scenes at the State of Les .... uhmmm ... ahhhhhh .... OK ... just Me. See ya in a couple days!