Crossing that thin line.

There's a very thin line that every person crosses now and then in life. Well yesterday I came damn close to crossing mine.

As if putting up a bogus blog about My marriage ending wasn't enough, I had to take it one step further. I sneaked into my wife's 'facebook' account and left a message that said:

"I'm distraught that My marriage of 16 years is ending"

Then I distracted my wife for the next hour or so with a game of cards. And to top it all off, Her phone was on vibrate, so She didn't hear anyone calling during that time.

So the stage was set for what I thought at the time was going to be a hilarious joke. I can't really describe what goes through My simple little mind, but for some reason .. this all made hilarious sense at the time. I guess it's hard to explain why I do obvious stupid things other than that:

1. I really thought this would be funny.

2. I can't stand Facebook. It always amazes Me how many people out there sit and watch what everyone else is doing. GET A LIFE PEOPLE. But that's a whole other topic.

3. I live for 'shock value'.

4. I did NOT intentionally intend to get My wife directly involved in this joke. It was meant for My blog only. It just so happens that Her facebook account was left open for Me to get into (a rare happening indeed). It's like the 'Prank God's' were smiling on Me ... or at least that's how I interrupted it in My delusional brain.

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Well after an hour or so had passed my wife checked Her phone. 5 MESSAGES .. including friends, family, AND people from a church group! Yes, someone from Her church called and expressed sympathy for Her tough times She's going through and said that She was praying for Her and if She needed to talk to or be with Her, not to hesitate. OH MY GOD this is funny! Then my loving wife went to check Her Facebook account out and another 10 people had commented on the whole 'marriage ending' thing too!

**** Just a quick side note - A person praying (which is B.S.) for a ending marriage (which is more B.S.)!!! Can you KINDA see how this is funny ..... or is it just Me?

Well at this time I'm just about throwing up because I had been laughing so hard my stomach was killing Me. I'm sorry, I couldn't help it ... this was priceless! So priceless that I didn't even notice how pissed off my wife was getting. I guess She didn't find as much humor in it as I did.

Needless to say, I spent a good chunk of the afternoon in the quonset .... partially because I was still laughing so damn hard and I didn't want Her to see it, and partially because She really had no desire to be around Me for awhile.

In closing, I'd just like to once again say ... I can't describe what goes through My mind that made this whole joke seem perfectly logical and funny. At the time, I truly thought this would be hilarious, and We'd be laughing about it all day ... well, as it turns out, I was the only one laughing. But I'm certain that in a few days .. or maybe weeks .. possibly years, We WILL look back on this and have a good laugh. And isn't that what life is all about?

And to My loving wife:

1. I promise that I've learned My lesson about crossing the line. I just can't back up that promise with a 'Lifetime Guarantee'.

2. I still go on record saying that I've got the coolest wife in the world .... even BEFORE She put up with this joke.

3. Do you want one or two eggs with your breakfast in bed that I'll be making you for the next week?

My marraige is OVER

After 16 wonderful years together, My wife and I have decided that we've grown to far apart to mend Us back together.

I've got to give Her credit, out of all the years we've been together, She's been the sound, stable, one who's been the 'voice of reason'. She's always let Me do My crazy things over the years without judging Me to much. She's been a good, patient mother of our 2 kids. She's been happy with Us in the good times and the bad. She was my high school sweetheart!! But I think over time, My craziness and personality has just eroded Her away to the point She just can't handle it anymore. I think all these years, She's thought She's had 3 kids instead of 2, but that 3rd kid (ME), just never grows up. In fact, He just gets weirder and weirder.

I, on the other hand, have had Myself quite a few different jobs, all of which I excelled at, but never found happiness. And here I am, 20 years later without a job (by choice). Yeah, I guess I can see Her point, it would be nice to have some stability in the family. And it would be nice to have a 'stable' father figure as the kids get older. Sure, now that the kids are young, it's all fun and games and Daddy is goofy, but as They get older ... who will be that stable father figure? Well I guess the verdicts in ... it won't be Me.

So by this summer, I'll be moving out of the S.O.L., and the Mrs. will stay here and get most of the 'stuff' We accumulated over the years. I'll take one of the vehicles and a little cash and head out to 'who knows where'. I think that's what I really want to do anyway. Maybe eventually selling the vehicle and living on the banks of the Mississippi or something ... just taking in nature, staring at the stars and wondering 'what the hell are we doing here?'

Yeah, life can sure throw some curve balls at you, but I guess most of the 'sane' couples out there could have probably seen our situation coming. It was just a matter of time before My strangeness finally broke the camels back. I guess all in all, I accept most of the blame for Our lost battle. I only hope that We leave each other peacefully and still friends, and that I get to see My little girls every so often. Who knows, maybe one year down the road, My loving wife will actually let the girls come visit Me in My cabin in the Rocky Mountains or something. At least one can hope!!

In closing, I just want to say I'm not bitter, I'm not mad, I'm just thankful for the years that I've had with Her and the kids. I'd also like to point out that once again, everything I've written today is total bullshit, and not one word you've read today has been true. And if this very blog doesn't show that I have the greatest wife in the world to put up with the crap I pull, then I don't think there is anything I can do or say to prove it. I am ... by far ... the luckiest guy in the world. Now if you'll excuse Me, I need to go spend the rest of the day kissing My wife's butt to make up for the torture I put Her through. That is IF She's still talking to Me after reading this.