Well it's Valentines Day. A day of spending lots of money you don't have, on stupid, worthless shit that you don't need. It's like Christmas for women, only in February. Yeah I know .. it's for men too, but we don't really give a shit, nor would we create a HUGE scene if you just plain forgot about us on Valentines either.
Let's take a look at the standard gifts and see how stupid they really are.
- A dozen roses - Cost: about $60. Hmmm that's 5 dollars a rose. Have you ever been out walking and noticed some blooming plants along the way and thought "I bet I could cut one of those flowers off and sell it for 5 bucks!" Yeah ... needless to say buying roses is about as smart as buying bottled water .. it relies on human stupidity to make it work. Maybe that's why it does so well.
- A diamond - Cost: $100 to $10000. Another product that really has no practical value at all, but we are indoctrinated to believe that it symbolizes how high the 'love meter' goes in a persons relationship. Haven't you ever heard that 2 months salary is what you should spend on a girl for an engagement ring? And who made that up? That's right .. the same assholes SELLING THE DIAMONDS!!! Wake up people, buy her a cubic zirconium instead, save 95%, and if she's insulted by that ... then she's too shallow to fall in love with in the first place.
Fancy lingerie - Cost $30 - $100. Why go out and blow money on this?? As soon as the lights go out, you will no longer be able to see it, and I might add the whole idea is to get the clothes OFF! And once the lights are out, your just imagining 'doing it' with some hot whore anyway so what the point????? In fact, the only people who should be allowed to buy fancy lingerie are strippers!
- Perfume - Cost: $10 to $100. Again .. same story. Your suppose to buy the good shit that's made from whale sperm and the oils of seaweed of the coast of Africa or some stupid shit. It's the same pattern of appealing to YOUR stupidity, meanwhile making other people (smarter than you by the way) rich.
- A huge stuffed teddy bear.
- A bouquet of useless shit.
- A heart pendant.
It doesn't matter what it is .... it's the same stupid pattern every time!!
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Now here's some real 'money saving tips' that will get you the same results (getting laid), while spending next to nothing in the process.
Your tongue - Cost $0.00 - Use it .. abuse it .. don't ever loose it. This will get you a lot further than any 'gift' that empties your wallet. There is a reason that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body.
Booze - Cost $10.00 - You'll have a great time, probably do things you won't remember, and have a blast in the process.
Ice - Cost $0.00 - Use your imagination .. I did.
Chocolate sauce, pineapple rings, whipped cream. Cost - $6.00. - Uhmmmm .. you get the idea.
A rubber -Cost- 50 cents. - simple, but effective.
A love letter - Cost -$0.00 but it will take most of your manhood. Nothing says 'cream jeans' like a good love letter to woman. They eat this shit up, and after she's done crying tears of joy, she'll feel so guilt ridden she'll want to blow you.
Cum on Her face - Cost $0.00 - A great way to enjoy sex, save money on a condom, AND prevent a baby in the future.
Anal Sex - Cost - Your pride. HEY .. you'll probably NEVER forget that special day though .. and isn't the memories what it's all about in the first place. *note* - you may need a bit of alcohol for this to actually work, at least for the first few times (so I'm told).
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There you have it! Now you can choose to wine her, dine her and all that shit. But in the morning we'll both wake up with our face looking like a glazed donut, it's just that I'll still have all My money in My wallet. And isn't that what it's all about in these tough financial times? Have fun!
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