A cell phone and Your asshole

I'm amazed at people almost on a daily basis. Mainly because I don't live like anyone of you out there, and I thank the imaginary God I don't.

It blows Me away that people don't think it's rude to be in a middle of a conversation and the second the cell phone goes off ... ALL STOPS .. while they check who may be calling!!! Isn't that what your voice mail is for?? Weren't you having a conversation with a REAL person before the phone when off?

To be so God damn rude to hold up your hand and stop the talking, just so you can pull out your phone to see that your buddy sent you a text telling you that "We should go drinking this weekend." Really .. REALLY!!!!! It was that important to check that out???

I've been with people who over the course of a short time have had literally a dozen calls or text sent to them, and each and every damn time everything comes to a screeching halt because some gizmo in your pants is vibrating! And here's the weird part .. all you people think it's normal. You haven't the slightest clue how rude it is! Your so impressed that someone out there is trying to get a hold of you for NO reason, that you are programmed to immediately grab your phone as fast as you can and see who it is. It's really sad. And 99 times out of a 100 .... NO ... I'll up the ante a bit .... 999 out of a 1000, it's of little or no importance at all. I have yet to be with someone who's cell phone went off and they were told that their kid just got crushed by a semi while playing in the street, but yet every time your phone goes off, you pretend that's whats happening just to find out that your spouse sent you a 'winking smiley face'. How cute!

Here's an idea for all you rude pricks out there. Think of getting a call like diarrhea cramps. You know, when your stomach is churning and you know the inevitable shitting your brains out is coming? When you're with other people and you feel a little uneasy in the stomach, it's a message to your brain that you probably have the 'Hershey squirts' coming soon. But you don't drop your drawers in an instant and shoot explosive diarrhea all over the room do ya?? NO! You're polite enough to wait for the proper time, then excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. It's no different than all of you dickheads who electronically shit your pants every time your damn phone makes a noise. So do the 'right' thing next time, wait for a while, then excuse yourself to take care of your business.

Is it any wonder I can't stand hanging out with anybody anymore? Is it any wonder that solitary confinement on a farm is viewed as a good thing for Me? Is it any wonder that every time I hear a cell phone I wanna grab a knife and plunge it into the owners throat? Is it any wonder that My dog (the only thing left without a cell phone) is the only one who understands Me anymore?

So in closing I present to you a cell phone and your asshole. Please put the two of them together. Thank you.