Newton's Laws of Motion

The roof of a house is slippery in the winter!

Who'da thunk it?

Yesterday I went out and decided since it's only 10 below out, it would make a great day to go clean out the chimney of the wood stove. I climbed up the ladder and brushed the snow aside on the roof edge for Me to step on. Then I continued clearing a clean path as I ascended to the top of the roof.

All was fine and dandy, I got the chimney cleaned out and put everything back together and it was time to come down. I sat on my butt and dug my shoes in and inched down slowly. After a foot or so I did slip a bit and slid about 6 inches but dug My feet in harder to stop. A little scary, but I thought I'll just take it nice and slow. It's kinda like a cat running up a tree, all is fine until you get up there and don't have a good plan on how to get back down. Anyway, I went another foot down, inch by inch and then it happened. My feet started sliding and I couldn't stop. I layed back to increase the amount of My body that was making contact with the roof but it didn't help. As I slid closer and closer to the edge, my Wife's voice became louder and louder and ended in a scream. My only chance that I seen in the split second I had to think was to make DAMN SURE my heels dig in and catch the gutter, at the same time my wife pushed the ladder up against the eave to hopefully stop my momentum as I came near it. Also in that split second, I couldn't help thinking about Newton's laws of motion, you know, the one where an object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by a stronger force (see picture below, I would be the first example). As I watched My feet catch the gutter, I closed My eyes and waited for fate to take over. As luck would have it, that's the end of it. I cautiously climbed the ladder down and said "Hmmm, I almost killed Myself falling off the roof. Now what should I do?"




Anyway, I guess it's safe to say that the stupidity gene is spread out to every single soul on earth in some way or another. As for Me, I'm still trying to figure out why something that is basically the surface of very, very rough sandpaper can be slippery. It just doesn't make sense. And next time I need a chimney cleaning, you'd think I'd call someone, but I won't. I'll spend the next month constructing something to make My next journey a bit more safe (in theory). Perhaps a jumpsuit made out of pure Velcro? Or reading a book on 'Safe Roof Etiquette' by Clark W. Griswold. Or maybe a Wile E. Coyote mask to add to the moment.





So I guess today, Thursday, December 10th 2009, it's kinda nice to be alive, and I'm even more thankful to the person who did a fantastic job putting up strong gutters on My house. And even though I almost took a dive off a roof today, I still don't believe in God, and I don't think any Angel's hand reached out and caught Me either. Amen.