FAILURE !!

Failure .. yup that's Me ! It's time to go back and pull My large foot out of My mouth and then start eating My own words.

This time last year I made some pretty big claims in the form of New Years resolutions. I did this for a couple of reasons. One, I wasn't working. What a perfect time to go out and take on 'brave new worlds', to take some chances and go for it! Two, I had hope that boastfully publishing My goals on the world wide web for all of 10 people to read it would FORCE Me to keep My promises, as apposed to just making resolutions and keeping them to Myself.

Well, it's not ALL doom and gloom. I'm a prick, and that includes being a prick to Myself as well. I feel if I didn't go out and do EVERYTHING, then I did nothing at all. So let's get this over with so we can move on to more important issues in the world. Here is the list of My 2009 resolutions.

1. Eating all natural for as long as I can. - Well now 'as long as I can' leaves it kinda open ended don't you think? At any rate I did it for a month, felt great, then quit. How's that for stupidity?? I still wonder why I quit???

2. Not shaving My beard until I lost 50 lbs. - I did lose 26 pounds, and probably gained it all back since then. It kinda goes with #1 resolution. Quit eating healthy so why keep the beard for losing weight. I think I made it until April-ish and I just decided to shave everything off, including My hair. I still have it all in a zip lock bag if your interested. It's going for $212/ounce.

3. No haircut until I lose 50 lbs. (see #2's response)

4. Not leaving My property for 30 days. - HEY .. I made this one with ease!! It was fun! Shutting out society in full is not only a resolution, it's a goal in life!!!!!! I had a blast for a month, moved some snow, cut down a tree by hand, built a fire and cooked some food in the middle of a field with 6 feet of snow all around Me.

5. Not dragging the rest of the family into living on rice, rocks, and sticks. - Yeah, I made this one too, they all lived a pretty normal year considering their Daddy is only partially sane.

6. Grow a corn maze. - Yeah .. I blew this one big time! In fairness, everything I planned to make this work came apart. The neighbor with all the stuff decided to sell all His equipment to the buyer of His house (major problem for Me). The stuff I wanted to sell to raise capital for this venture turned out to have problems and no one bought it. We had one of the worst winters on records which in turn made for an extremely late planting season. No farmer out there would even think of doing My little 5 acres in His spare time (they didn't have any!!!) And finally, the person who bought My neighbors property said He was going to continue doing a corn maze every year. Now how many people by a house because it has a corn maze with it??? Apparently ONE did!! *odds of that- 1 in 1,252,043.*

7. Making less than poverty to avoid paying taxes to a spend-happy government who bails out big corporations. - I think we made this one too, in fact, I was happy to do it! This is another one of those goals in life that makes total sense to Me.

8. Not going back to work for a year. - Well I was a few days shy of a year, but I guess that's close enough. Had I found a way to make some money without working for the man in the last year, I wouldn't have gone back to work!! But I guess the few hours I put in each week don't really justify as work, just a way to keep the guilt off for not contributing to the family funds while both kids are now in school full time. Besides, I spend a great deal of time passing along My life's philosophy to My fellow co-workers who are half My age. Start 'em young!!!

9. Not fall into a 'made up' religious belief. - NO PROBLEM!! If nothing else, I am a sound believer in rationality and reason today!! I am THRILLED to say I have totally broken free from the religious chains that have kept Me caged in for 36 years. What a feeling this has been. AMEN!!

10. Continue to be a stubborn ass. - Again, no problem! Some days all I have to do is wake up to make this happen!

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There you have it! I fully admit it! I yelled LOUD about doing it, and I didn't make it! In closing I would say I don't know what the hell happened to Me. I used to be the guy that said something, and DAMMIT, I would get it done!! Maybe it's age, maybe it's good old American laziness. Whatever the reason, I'm not happy with it, nor proud of it, but for some reason I'm living with it.

Sorry for the long boring post about My personal life. I try hard not to type about stuff like this as it makes it like so many other blogs out there .. stupid and boring! But when it comes to stuff I said about ME that I failed at, I wanted to cover it ALL, so I wouldn't be the typical hypocrite that so many of us are today! All in all, My life is fantastic! I barely work, I play with the kids, I have ZERO stress, I have no debt, and more free time than anyone could ever hope for, and I'm married to the coolest person on earth. I'm not sure what else you could want, shy of 72 virgins when you die, and we all know what a bullshit story that is.

As for 2010 resolutions, well .. let's just say I'll continue to kick society and the typical way of life in the balls whenever it comes to close to Me and leave it at that.

New Years Resolutions (Week 3)

Yup, another week in the books for the dramatic change of life. Let's see the results.


Blood Pressure : 129/76 (About the same as last week)


Blood Sugar : 121 (Pissing me off!! Might as well start drinking Mountain Dew again!!!)


Weight : -16 pounds (only a couple pounds this week, oh well, it's better than gaining)


General Demeanor : very good! I mean .... I'm 38 and retired, how bad can it be ???

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Well there you have it. All I have to say is ...........



I HAVE SINNED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes it's true!! I have fallen from grace and sinned Oh Lord! Please forgive me! One day I just felt like having some Captain Morgan while cutting some tree branches and by God, I mixed it with a Diet Coke!!! WHY?? Because Captain Morgan is not good straight! Then to top it off, I went inside and ate 2 pieces of my Wife's homemade pizza!

THERE .... YOU HAPPY NOW!!! You wanna break me down??? You wanna see a grown man cry??? Well you did just that!!!!!!!

Actually, it would be a lot easier to lie and just say I'm still not eating 'unnatural' foods, so give Me some credit. Also, I am right back to eating 'All Natural' again, just had that one screw up. If you knew Me, you would realize how impressive that is since normally once I screw up ... I say F it, and quit altogether. This time I got right back on the wagon, which is strange for Me indeed.

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Operation tree has resumed again. I swear there must be 4-5 feet of snow between Me and the ground when I'm hauling logs back, but oh well, more exercise! I have completed cutting all the branches and am left with just about 5 feet of stump. However, if you've ever cut a stump with a bow saw you will know that I am hardly done cutting this tree. I have some massive cuts to do yet. I think cutting up the entire rest of the tree was easier than trying to cut up the main trunk.


Operation not leaving the farm is sadly going to come to a close next Tuesday as I have to take my Daughter into town for preschool. But I did make it a total of 30 days without leaving my property!! 30 days with no social contact .. just me and the farm. Well I did have 1 friend and 1 brother show up during that time, but I couldn't really help that other than shooting them with a shotgun as they came up the driveway which didn't seem like a good idea at the time.

Other than that, life is good. I may have to break down and start using butter again. I can't stand it anymore. I'd rather do a self castration than not live with butter! Eating food without butter is like having sex with a sheep .. it just makes no sense!! Yeah, I know, butter IS pretty damn natural .. but I'm a stubborn prick! I think to compensate for giving in to this temptation, I will be required to make my own butter from scratch with some cream and salt. I'll let you know how that project goes when the day comes.

P.S. - Sorry about the big type, the damn thing won't change back to normal!

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Todays RBV: Ecclesiastes 1:7 All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full; unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again.


Well whad-da-ya-know, the Bible got something right! That Jesus does know His water !!

New Years Resolutions (Week 2)

It's been 2 weeks since the dramatic change of lifestyle has begun, let's see if there's any improvement.

Blood Pressure : 130/75 (The lowest yet)

Blood Sugar : 104

Weight : - 13 pounds!! YEAH!

General Demeanor: Better. I can honestly say that I feel better than I used to on a daily basis. I have more energy, and have noticed a general change for the better overall.

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So now I'm starting to see the changes I was looking for. I remember almost a year ago going to get a DOT physical and my blood pressure was to high to pass me. I had to sit in the office for 1/2 hour and relax just to get it to come down barely enough to let me get my license. I'm surprised at the weight too, that's about 7 pounds a week. I'm sure that will slow down as the body starts adjusting more but I'll still take it. Still have 37 more pounds to go before I can shave or get a haircut. As long as it happens before it starts getting warm out I'll be happy, then again, I'll probably enjoy looking like Grizzly Adams and keep it from now on.

I still miss butter more than I can tell you, but things like pop, milk, sugary crap ... I don't miss at all. I guess once you get them out of your system, the cravings go away. I've replaced just about all of my liquid needs with plain old water.

"Operation Tree" is at a stand still. We had 11 inches of snow one day followed by 7 more another so my 'free' exercise has gone from chopping lumber to moving snow. All in all I'm still getting a daily workout as I spend around 2 hours or more per day moving snow.

"Operation not leave the property" is going incredibly great. I have not had ANY outside personal contact with the rest of the world in 18 days!!!!!!!! Yeah, the last few days in December I didn't go into town either. I do have a snag coming up as on the 27th I have to take my daughter to town for Her first day of preschool. Lucky for me this will be 30 days of not leaving the property, so I will have surpassed that goal ....... just barely!! The sad thing is I bet I could continue NOT going to town for a lot longer than that, but family first.

So there you have it .. week 2 in the books. Hopefully I can get out during week 3 and start hacking away at the tree again, but since my tractor has turned into nothing more than a 2000 lbs frozen brick that won't start, I might be preoccupied with that for a bit. Oh well, I've always wanted to learn about the intricate engine pieces of a 60 year old tractor!!

Happy New Year

RISE AND SHINE!!! It's the first day of 2009! You know what that means!?! For YOU, probably not much ... for ME, everything!!!!!!

Here is the health readings for myself before I start eating 'all natural' food and making significant changes in other parts of my life.

Blood pressure: 138/82

Blood sugar: 98

Weight Loss: 0 (of course)

General Demeanor: Normal (at least, what I think normal is. However, most people think of me as delusional and crazy)


So today I start setting the example of how people should live. I'm changing my diet, I'm researching on how to successfully grow and store my own food. I'm going to research how to put the sun to use to charge batteries for free power. I'm going to study up on home built windmills for more free power. I need to learn A LOT about batteries, from how to properly charge them, how to maintain them, how to wire them in series or parallel. I need to figure out how to get 1000's of gallons of free water off my quonset roof to several hundred feet away to my garden. I need to figure out how to raise chickens so this spring I can start my production of free eggs and eventually free chicken (if I choose to that is). The list is endless of crap I gotta do! Whoever said retirement is relaxing is full of crap man!!

Well I gotta go, it took God 7 days to make the world. I'll need at LEAST that long to change it back to normal!!

Stay tuned tomorrow for some interesting news on something many of you yuppies out there spend a fortune on every January, and continue to pay each month for it after that, but I'll be doing for FREE!


Todays RBV: 2 Samuel 4:7 For when they came into the house, he lay on his bed in his bedchamber, and they smote him, and slew him, and beheaded him, and took his head, and gat them away through the plain all night. 4:8 And they brought the head of Ishbosheth unto David to Hebron


I think this is how the term "Getting head" started. Of course over the centuries the meaning has changed a bit.

New Years Resolutions

Well here it is! The biggest, and most important resolutions in a man's life. This is 'DO OR DIE' time!! The point in life where a change can occur and a person can live a happy, personally successful life, and die knowing that He made the right decisions in living His life. OR - Die while still being alive by going back to work for 'the man' and when the real death comes, all He can say is that He worked for someone else His whole life and successfully made OTHER people's lives happy. Basically, most everything we do today, as we know it, is stupid!! From working, to eating, to how we raise our family, to religion, to our very definition of what is important to us.

So that being said, here is MY list of New Years Resolutions for 2009 and beyond.
1. I will only eat natural foods for as long as I possibly can. Hopefully forever!

2. I will not shave my beard until I lose 50 pounds. Note: I have not shaved since November 29th, so I already am starting to look like Grizzly Adams.

3. In ADDITION to not shaving my beard, I'm going to also throw in NOT cutting my hair until I lose 50 pounds. Yeah ... my wife will have me sleeping outside real soon.

4. I will NOT leave my farmstead for at least 30 days. I will not be allowed to leave and go to town for any reason. Anything I might need the wife will have to get when She goes in. I think one month of just Me, a few projects, and my land will do a person a lot of good. I'd like to extend this out way past 30 days, but with the wife going to work, and one kid having preschool in February sometime, I must live up to my family obligations too.

5. Along the lines of the last resolution, I will not bring the rest of my family into my personal ventures. They will live just like they always have, doing their normal activities, school, friends, get-togethers and such. Life will continue just as normal as it always has for them ... well as normal as living with a guy like me can be that is.

6. I WILL grow a corn maze and pumpkin patch and have it open to the public to make money. This should be interesting since I have NO equipment as of yet and the only thing I know about planting corn is you go to Walmart, buy a packet of seeds ... etc.

7. I shall NOT make more money than the poverty level that the government has set for a family of 4. That is $21,200. This way I don't pay any taxes to a worthless, corrupt, greedy system that definitely needs to collapse and start over. I'LL BE DOING MY PART TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN !!!! (NO .. my family will not suffer because of the lower income .. I got it covered, trust Me)

8. I WILL NOT be going back to work for THE MAN!! Well at least for one year! If, after one year, everything I've planned and dreamed up has come to a colossal failure and I see that I was totally wrong, and that the only way to make it in life is to get a typical job and punch a time clock for a living .... THEN I will go back and do just that. But I wouldn't hold your breath on this one, because I'm pretty sure I'm right to think that 'people' don't HAVE to live this way.

9. I won't start believing in religion until RELIGION comes to ME!!! I figure I wasted enough of My life trying to find some magical, mystical figure in the sky .. He/She knows that I'm here so if I'm loved enough by this heavenly being out there, it can come find me and prove that it's real.

10. Finally, I will continue to be as stubborn as I am and question everything in life that we do. I feel that society as a whole is getting dumber, and people are getting lazier, and more numb to what 'living' really is, and that is why I'm doing what I'm doing.
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Then there is the list of things that are not really resolutions, but just changes that I think are interesting enough to point out.

1. I have moved the TV and DVD player and Playstation OUT of the bedroom and replaced the open space with books. Yup .. I'm giving up watching movies and playing video games and replacing them with reading. I THINK I still remember how to read ... I did it in high school once or twice.

2. I've replaced the light in my room with oil lamps. I have no idea what this means but I'm doing it anyway.

3. I would like to become self-sufficient over time. Now this is something I cannot do in one day, or maybe not even in one year, but I really want to get there. That is, supplying most of my own food, my own water, my own power and such. I will be doing this in stages as I get comfortable with the ideas and plans that I have.
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So there you have it, my goals for 2009. I'm sure all you yuppies out there will set your own personal goals for yourselves too. Like giving up chocolate, or mocha frappacinoes, or getting that platinum credit card. Yeah .. have fun, at the end of the year you'll still be the same shallow, image toting, hollow person that you are today! WHAT?? Did you think I could let a day go by without bitching about something?? Nice try !!